After reading about 'A Geek Love Story' from Newsweek, it got me thinking about the true definition of this thing called 'Love'.

There are different types of love and I've said 'I love you' many times to my friends. Of course those are all under the platonic category of Friendship. But it is Love all the same, for Love is a broad term, branching out to nearly all kinds of relationships, whether intimate or not. Love could even be religious, patriotic, possessive, or just platonic.

What about love between a man and a woman. The kind of love that makes one's heart flutter happily like a butterfly's wings. The kind that starts from a single spark of attraction. The kind that makes you feel that the world stops for a while when you look into the other party's eyes. Is that possible just solely through technology and without physical contact?

It's rare, and it's definitely difficult, but hey, anything's possible. When I was reading the first few parts of the article of how they'd first came across each other's avatars on Second Life, my first thought was, 'That's really shallow - they just started talking to each other because of their pretty avatars. What happens if they aren't like that in real life?' Then I realise that it happens in reality too. Sure, it is superficial. But it's true that physical attraction usually comes first.

Then comes Stage Two, where the couple starts to get to know each other. For this couple who was featured in the article, physical contact is definitely impossible - unless they are filthily rich and could take airplanes just as easily as flagging a cab. The couple also admitted that it was tough sustaining the relationship, since they are miles apart with separate lives. But their relationship lasted and they are still very much in love with each other despite meeting each other only a few times. Since they knew very well that their Second Life avatars did not actually look like them, perhaps it would be fair to say that this couple fell in love with each other's personalities first, before anything else. They didn't meet only after getting to know each other online after all. 

The first time I read the article, I'd only thought that what they felt for each other was not actually Love. Anyone can change who they really are on the Net, let alone Second Life. It could be a form of escapism for them, for their love lives in reality weren't exactly fantastic. However, the second time I read through the same page, I had different thoughts altogether. The love they have for each other is very much like what normal couples have. There's nothing to mock at. 

That said, I don't exactly support singles hooking up online. The chances of getting your soulmate online is one in a million since you never know who might be behind that screen. 

Side-note: Wow, I sound like a relationship expert when I've not been in one myself. Just bear with me. 

I've always believed that it's in human nature to judge, even if it's wrong (well, then some may go on to say that it's indeed human nature to err anyway). 

I went back to Crescent right after my lesson ended today to meet my juniors. I was invited back to speak to them and to motivate them. Somehow, I doubt I did that. Sure, I did prepare. I even did a draft/outline of what I wanted to say. It could be that I've not spoken to a large crowd for a long time. I didn't do well at all. In fact, my mind was in a jumble. This is why I'm always not used to prepared talks. I somewhat do better when it's an impromptu. 

In some sense, I think I'm lucky that I'm now studying my interest instead of being in a regular JC. I didn't stay long in Crescent since I found it mightily awkward being with the JC students in the canteen. It didn't help that my past Chemistry teacher didn't recognise me at all. The rest of my ex-schoolmates were complaining about their school and about how Secondary school life gave them so much more freedom and time. Funnily, I find that SP has given me a lot more freedom. It's not really about not having a uniform although that's part of it too. I think my current school actually allows me to express myself freely because of the culture over there. Or it could be that a lot more freedom is given to us students and we all learn to be independent instead of adhering to a structured school life as it is in JC. 

Previously, I had doubts about Polytechnics because of the usual social stigma about the students there. Then I realised that, hey, every school or institution has 'bad' students, those who cut classes exorbitantly or take it upon themselves to break nearly every rule they can find in the handbook. Thus, I decided to take the chance, to just put my current course as my third choice. If I can't make it into my ideal JC, I'm going to get into SP no matter what. I'm not going to settle for other JCs and if I get my third choice, at least I get to do something I actually like. 

Strangely, the week before the posting results were released, I had this feeling that I was going to SP. I didn't mind when I got into the school too. But I guess it was because of my friends' persuading that I decided to appeal for my first choice instead. I'm now really glad that the appeal didn't go through. I think - no, I know - that I'd be unhappy in JC. It's been a long time since I felt this happy. 

Maybe I was just being bull-headed. But if I were to be honest, I had a hard time dealing with some of my subjects in Secondary school. I used to have no problems acing for most of my subjects - even Math was alright most of the time. That stopped when I got to Upper Secondary. It was hell for me suddenly. 

I used to love Science. Physics was intriguing, Biology was mystical and Math was just, well, there. Suddenly, Physics became frustrating and abstract; Biology only unveiled more unsolved mysteries and confusion, and Math became abdominal. There was the introduction of Chemistry, the alien language I never managed to even begin to understand. Additional Mathematics was painful to study. Elementary Mathematics was dry and dreary. My teachers were all good and they tried to help me individually. Sad to say, it didn't really work out for me because I had no interest in the subjects and it took a lot of difficulty to even understand the basics. I was just dumb that way. 

It made me feel worse that my class was supposedly good at Math and Sciences. While my classmates complained about not doing well for Languages and Humanities, I was struggling with Math and Sciences instead. It could have worked out if we'd helped each other then. But there was a limit to what my peers could do since they had their own other commitments too. Coupled with the fact that I never had tuition, I guess my mum was not surprised that my results were not outstanding when compared to my classmates. Crescent was fun and I love the friends and memories I made there over the last four years. I miss it too. But I guess I had a tough time with the subjects I just could not bring myself to like or to excel in.

Thinking back to how different I felt just a few months ago, I'm really glad that I'm in DTVM now. I've also befriended many people in my new school, and I can actually see myself having an awesome time in the next few years. I'm finally truly happy. 

This whole week has been fun albeit a little exhausting.

I must admit that FOP wasn't as fun as FOC. It was great to meet my classmates finally. I'd been worrying and wondering about my classmates long before school started and I'm glad to have such awesome people as my classmates. Some of them are quiet and I guess it's because we don't know each other that well yet.

We played a few ice-breaker games and toured around the whole campus on the first day. Well, we didn't actually tour around the whole campus since we were all just so tired halfway through the whole thing. We just slacked at the Hilltop Library in the end. SPICE training didn't go too well for me in the evening since my Mac decided to be temperamental with me.

The second day was spent in the lecture hall and we got to watch our seniors perform for us. I was also sabotaged into being the class 'mascot' for the day. My classmates were nice enough not to tie balloons to my chest, like what some other classes did. I wouldn't mind actually but it's really nice of them not to do it anyway. We went along with some 'Lady Gaga' cum I-don't-know-what-it-was concept. I wasn't sure what they were tying to my body, to be honest. Let's just say it was insanely difficult to untie my costume afterwards. But we did manage to cut it off with Elijah's key later. It was a pretty nice outfit my classmates made for me actually. Just not feasible when it rains, I guess.

We then went to Sentosa on Day 3. The bus got lost and was late by an hour, but we did manage to get to the place eventually. Our class got divided into two and my half combined with another class from DADP to form our Amazing Race team. We were Team 4, which managed not to be the last despite getting to the wrong place twice!

Unfortunately, just a few minutes into our race, Natasya fell on the escalator and the sharp edges of the steps stabbed into her shin. It was a scary sight, with all the blood and all. The beach patrol came to pick her up and brought her to the Medical Center where she got treatment for her wound. Thank goodness she didn't need an injection in the end. Injections are always scary.

The rest of the team went around the different spots and it was exhausting after a while. Funnily, we weren't the last team to get back to Emerald Pavilion, which was our final destination. We were the second last, which was already a great achievement, if you take into account the fact that our team's progress was really slow in the beginning.

Then there was the luge ride! It started raining midway but no one was bothered by it and all went ahead with the ride. Zi Wei and I were the only ones who never tried it before. We were initially insisting on the 'Dragon Trail' which was infinitely easier than the 'Jungle Trail'. The two of us ended up taking the 'Jungle Trail' since the other trail was closed off from the path. It was fun, I admit. I was initially quite freaked out by the speed but it got pretty addictive after a while. Everyone was wet after taking the luge in the rain.

After lunch we headed over to Vivo City, where we watched the movie 'Limitless'. It's a pretty good movie although it has been a long time since I've watched anything this gory or serious. I usually just watch chick flicks or animations. Time to grow up, I suppose. I walked around with a few of my classmates after the movie. We just loitered around, talking about random things before deciding to head home since we had to wake up early the next morning for flag day.

Flag day was tiring but kind of fun in it's own way. An Indian man actually donated $50 without even taking the sticker I stuck onto my can! What a nice person! It was thanks to that fifty-dollar note that I became the top 'collector' in my class. My class had to start off the flag day event with the Director and the VIPs at the Plaza at 7.30am in the morning. We then headed over to Clementi, the place we were all assigned to. I got to know someone from Design School there. He's from Games Design. I didn't get his name though. Oh well. It's the first time I've met someone from Design School, since their school is on the other extreme side of the campus. I doubt I'll see my new acquaintance again anyway.

Elijah, Matin, Stefanie, Ziwei and I went to Raffles Place after two hours in Clementi since it seemed like the whole of Design School was there and there were so many other students asking for donations too. The five of us ended up walking around Marina Bay area and then to Golden Shoe Hawker Center doing nothing much but slack. We eventually went back to school and played 'The Game of Life' in the Main Library for an hour. It was more laughing than actual playing. We met the rest of the class back at the classroom later in the afternoon.

It's a pity I didn't stay for long in the evening. The buffet at the Freshmen Party was delicious! I suffered indigestion however and my stomach was killing me, so I didn't get to eat much unfortunately. Wai Meng, Matin, Stefanie, Joey and I went to Moberly after eating to play Band Hero. Wai Meng was the best faux drummer for the band. We loitered about for a few moments before heading back home after the Wii session since the party hadn't really started and most of the class had gone home by then. 

I think it was great that we had the lunch at Pizza Hut on Friday. Alright, it was my crazy idea long before FOP even started and I wanted a sushi buffet actually. But pizza's delicious too! I've not eaten it for a long time! We took loads of photos at the restaurant and I finally got to eat my beloved Hawaiian pizza. Again, we loitered and walked about after lunch. I think it's becoming our class' distinct trait: loitering about whilst blocking the walkway. Such public nuisance we are. But I love my classmates. Well, I better do so anyway, since we're going to be stuck together for the next three years!

My previous post about the FOC may seem a little disjointed at some parts. That's because I'm a lazy blogger and I didn't type the whole long post in one shot - it was typed out bit by bit over the last few days after the camp.

I went to school yesterday for the Mac OS training. They taught us about certain functions on the Mac which are not found on Windows. I didn't really pay much attention however - I was too busy trying hard not to fall asleep. Stefanie and I also met Wei Sze after breakfast. I've not seen Wei Sze since...Primary school? She was my Primary One and Two classmate, if I'm not wrong.

We later went to SIM's Popular bookstore to get accessories for my Mac. I regret buying the hardcover. I wanted my Mac to be pink but somehow the cover just doesn't fit properly. The staff then directed me to their service center which was in Toa Payoh, and within a walking distance from Braddell MRT station. Since Wei Sze had to leave for her lunch appointment with another friend, Stefanie and I decided to have lunch at school first before going on our adventure to Sapura's service center. Unlike yours truly, Stefanie has a superb sense of direction and she knows most of SP now. We got the legendary fruit juice from FC 3. 

When we finally made it to the service center, the technicians found no fault with my Mac. Strangely enough, there was still a 'clicking' sound when I opened it. When they tried it on another Mac, it fitted seamlessly. I nearly banged my head against the table in frustration. 

We then went back to Tampines where Stefanie collected her case from Punk Star - the one I very nearly bought. I didn't know they were having a sale. Maybe I could buy a few tees over there if they have my size. We did a lot of walking in just one day and I was exhausted when I got back. This just goes to show how much my stamina has suffered after not running for months. 

Our classes were announced yesterday too. I must be a really lucky girl. Not only did I get Shaw Leong who's from Masquerade in my class, I got Zhaoyi and Stefanie too! I've not met Yvette in person but she seems really friendly. That's four classmates already. I can't wait for FOP!

CASS FOC was awesome!

It was kind of nerve-wrecking at the start since I didn't know a single soul over there. I quickly made friends though and my group was friendly. Most of the people were from DMC or DADP, few were from the same course as me. I found another DTVM person from my group, Masquerade, though. And that's Shaw Leong who was really quiet at first but he warmed up to us afterwards. Hopefully, he'll be my classmate, then I'd have a familiar face to turn to during FOC.

Before going for the camp, when people from SP know I'm in CASS, they'll go, 'Ah, the crazy school'. I think I know why now. The people there are so spontaneous and fun! It's nearly like an extension of Crescent, just ten times more the freedom and liveliness! There are nearly twice more girls than guys so according to Tryne and Sheena, the two seniors who live in the extreme east too, our school is sometimes nicknamed the 'Er Mei Shan'. I later realised that it's the name of a place for nuns or something like that. Funnily, our school is also situated at the top of a hill, although it certainly seems to be a mountain when you climb it. The other nickname is 'Beverly Hills'. That sounds so glamourous.

We first got into our groups and chose our group name. The theme this year was 'Circus' and we went with Wee's suggestion and called ourselves 'Masquerade'. Our flag was the prettiest even if we took the longest to finish it (well, it is the prettiest in my opinion) thanks to Syuhaidah who helped to design and draw the eyes and mask. Every group has a flag and all of us must guard the flag for should any flag get stolen by anyone, the whole group has to do a forfeit just to get it back. In short, the flag was very important. But we lost it on the last day of the camp. It just vanished into thin air.

Dexter also gave us our group identity, the red shoelace. All of us tied it around our wrists. Some groups had really eye-catching ones like the big sequined ribbons or the angel wings. Jaime also pretended to be a freshie when she was actually the GL along with Dexter. She kind of exposed herself by accident when we were supposed to guess who was the fake freshie in the beginning.

We played ice-breaker games and learnt the cheers we would be doing for the next two days. The forfeits are really funny. The 'Fruit Dance' is just sick yet funny. Unfortunately, Melissa and I couldn't play the game at the swimming pool. We just sat with Tryne and Sheena from DMC while the rest got wet at the pool. Oh well. We did get wet during the next game though. Except that it's toilet water instead of flourine this time. My favourite game for the first day was the Watermelon Game. We had to finish two halves of a watermelon with the skin intact with just our mouths. Wee was the fastest watermelon-eater I think. Everyone tore off chunks of the watermelon with their mouths.

The first day ended with the Night Walk. We went over to Food Court 1. it was a good fifteen to twenty minutes brisk walk to the other side in the night. It was a little past midnight when we reached our destination and the DMIT people were already there. They were plaguing us with all sorts of horror stories about SP (Sheena and Tryne later told us that the stories were fake and they'll tell us the true ones in Year 2). Everyone had to go in pairs and it took a long time to wait for my turn. I was the last one to go from Masquerade - one of the last few girls left in the auditorium in fact. It was a different kind of torture waiting for my turn. They ran out of stories and jokes to tell and our GLs even danced the 'Peacock' dance for us to pass the time. There are only so many times you can repeat 'this is a magical box' however. I lost count of the number of times we did that but the line was drilled into my head afterwards.

I was initially hoping for a guy to be my partner since guys are supposedly braver. But my partner was so brave! Before she introduced herself, I'd already latched myself firmly onto her arm. Yes, I was that frightened. Funnily, we were directed to the wrong route altogether. I told the DMIT guy at the door that we were from CASS but he asked us to follow the yellow lightsticks outside. We were left floundering at some carpark compound after passing just two yellow lightsticks. There were none left afterwards. There were another two girls who were lost just like us too. We just decided to walk back to CASS then. We were wondering if there were any scary things that would pop up during the whole walk but nothing happened. Luckily we found the rest station in the middle with our seniors waiting there. After going to the restroom and explaining our situation, we had to complete the remaining one-third of the Night Walk. This time it was the correct route.

Vanessa, my partner, was not afraid by then and she really helped to ease my fears. I was just cowering behind her half the time while she led me around the dark corridors and warned me about the steps. I think I was just hugging her arm really tight to me. We made it back to CASS soon enough but not before I tripped over the stairs in my hurry. It was nearly 3am when we reached CASS and we waited about an hour more for the GLs and the remaining pairs who were returning from the Night Walk.

Despite sleeping at 4am, I woke up several times and finally went to shower after the nth time in a zombie-fied state. Breakfast was bread with Nutella! It was delicious - partly because I slathered the Nutella spread on my piece of bread rather generously. We used plastic spoons instead of a butter knife. Bo Mun also joined us for breakfast. He became the Masquerade's last team member.

We had Scavengers' Hunt on the second day. Our first stop was the 'Stone Cold Kenneth' as they call him. It was a little demoralising since our group failed to make Kenneth and Inez laugh. I later heard most groups couldn't do it too. The seniors are just too good at keeping their poker face.

Our team managed to beat our opponents for Tug 'O' War and it was fun albeit a little sore for my hands. There was also this game which was similar to 'Tag' just that we had to defend our flag in three rows. Come to think of it, it was more similar to Foosball if you look at the layout. Human Foosball. It was a draw for that game. No one got any flag.

I can't really remember the sequence but we had to move on to quite a few stations each time. We also played crazy games like Captain's Ball with tomato, soap and then later butter. Our team didn't manage to advance to the final round which turned out to be quite a good thing since I don't think I'd appreciate playing with melting butter slithering down my hands or hair as I play. Unfortunately, Syuhaidah hurt her ankle while at the basketball court. There was no medic at the scene so we were really worried that it was a serious injury. Our team had to leave her behind to go on to the next station. She later joined us a few hours later when she was able to walk properly again. Thank goodness she didn't sprain her ankle.

There was also this game where we had to spin 20 times and then high five our partner within three seconds, then run to the goal post to complete the game. I was quite pathetic and fell down to the grass with a 'thud' after just fifteen rounds. The GP was kind enough to let me spin just fifteen times, otherwise I might have not been able to stand.

We also danced outside the glass window at the gym. We had two choices: To stick our finger up our friends' nostrils; Or to dance that provocative dance in full view of the guys in the gym. Nearly everyone, with the exception of Rachel, picked the latter. The guys crowded in front of us while we were dancing and one even pounded the window. I think they were kind of annoyed by us.

It was campfire night afterwards. Instead of the usual bonfire, they actually arranged little candles in form of 'CASS' with a big circle around it. It looked so cosy and heartwarming. We did the usual campfire songs and cheers plus the 'Friendship Dance'. I nearly lost my voice while cheering. Then came the night party!

We started the party after midnight and it ended in the morning, around 3 or 4am? I can't actually dance but I tried to. It was really fun dancing with everyone although I went to the side to rest every once in a while. Somehow you get really dehydrated while dancing. Maybe that's why people drink so much when they dance in clubs and all.

I slept better after the party maybe because I was just exhausted. I still managed to wake up early to shower. I'd feel strange not showering in the morning. The GLs were slightly late for breakfast while the campers were all up on time. We then had Telematch after breakfast. This must be the craziest and the most fun telematch I've participated in! Even though the sun was scorching hot, everyone got really wet and powder-y since the GLs later had fun pouring baby powder over everyone's heads.

Everyone had to go after a quick shower and a debrief. Sebas cried after watching the video of the past two and a half days. I felt a little sad too, since the camp was such great fun. We all had some time with our GLs before taking pictures in our new campers' tees.

I had bad experiences from camps before but this is my best camp yet. It could be because of the people and the crazy games our seniors organised for us. I could see that the seniors put it a lot of effort in making this camp an awesome one. In fact, even at wee hours of the night, Dexter and Jaime were still bursting with energy just to keep our spirits high. It'll be cool to be able to take part in another camp again, I think. I doubt there will be one any time soon now that school is starting though.

Masquerades, OO-AA!

With the enrolment process fully completed, I went to my school for the first time yesterday. I got my Mac which I'd be using for my lessons once school starts. The school is ginormous! Well, at least it is to me. I didn't walk around the campus and only went to the PC Roadshow at the Convention Centre and the place for the configuration. It seemed so big to me and I could just spot a McDonald's outlet just a stone's throw away from the entrance. 

I feel quite apologetic to my mum about choosing this course sometimes. I was not aware that I would require a Mac for my course before choosing and now, we have to pay for yet another PC. It doesn't help that I had to get a tablet PC for my Secondary school previously. Imagine the amount of money spent just on my education.

We also went to get insoles for my flat feet. It cost a hefty sum of $395.90. It is such a pity that I didn't get the insoles when I was younger. I did ask my doctor about my flat feet but he said it was normal and actually recommended surgery! Thank goodness I didn't agree to the surgery since according to the staff manning the counter yesterday, surgery would only worsen the condition and bring greater pain and stress to the feet. You can say surgery is only a short-term solution. I've been getting bad backaches and pains in my calves and knees. Turns out that it is due to my flat feet. Unfortunately, chances of getting them corrected permanently are not guaranteed, since I'm sort of nearing the end of puberty and the growing stage I guess. 

Right now, I wish to get my pay tomorrow so that I can pay for part of the price of the computer we bought yesterday. I'm feeling so bad that my mum has to spend so much just on me alone. Hopefully, they will be able to hand me the cheque by tomorrow - they've been delaying it for weeks! 

It's my maternal grandpa's death anniversary today. I've not accompanied my mum and relatives to pay my respects at the crematorium for many years now. I was thinking of going today since I've not been there for so long. I'm staying at home instead however, since I'm not feeling well.

My grandpa is someone I only have a vague idea of. I don't even have any memory of him and I'd only seen him in my grandparents' wedding photo. Even then, I can't remember how he looks like. I didn't cherish the last chance I had to take a look at their wedding photo and I was just seven then, being more interested in toys than a black-and-white print which was so worn with age. I only have the faint impression that my grandpa was quite a looker and my grandma did not lose out in terms of beauty too.

My grandpa passed away due to lung cancer when I was just two. My mum told me that I allowed my grandpa to carry me in his arms when I was just a baby. That was a huge feat, I must say. As an infant, I was grumpy and refused to be carried by anyone except my mum and my grandparents. Even my dad was afraid to carry me, for I would wail my lungs out if he tried to do so - even if he is my dad. I guess I was quite a fussy child.

Grandpa smoked like a chimney, according to my mum. It's a habit my uncles picked up from him too, although strangely, none of my cousins are smokers. Maybe it's because they have suffered the full brunt of their fathers' smoking habits. It was most probably due to the excessive number of cigarettes he smoked each day that led to lung cancer. It was impossible for my grandpa to stop his addiction, just like my uncles. They were too far gone.

My grandpa was not a perfect husband, neither was he a flawless father from what I know. I won't be 'washing my dirty linen in public', but at the very least, according to my mum, he seemed to be a wonderful grandpa. Perhaps it had to do with my mum being my grandparents' favourite along with my sixth aunt who is the youngest. Well, my mum is the tenth child while my sixth aunt is the eleventh. Naturally, my grandparents loved me too. Well, at least that was what I heard.

On the other hand, I do have memories of my grandma. I know she loved me dearly and looked at me fondly each time I visited her each Sunday. Unlike most of my cousins, I absolutely enjoyed eating the desserts and snacks she made in the afternoon. Amongst my favourites are the ang ku kueh and the dumplings. I remember once or twice, I sat next to her on her red mattress bed while she took out various trinkets she owned and little treats she bought from the market nearby. I can't remember other cousins ever getting the chance to look through her treasures, but my mum said they were uninterested and preferred to watch cartoons or to play with the toy cars in the opposite room. Maybe it was for this reason that my grandma paid special attention to me, since I liked to eat the kueh she made and was generally a quiet child who was fascinated by her collection. It also helped that I was much better behaved as compared to other cousins my age who often fought over the toys. Grandma would chase the boys around with her legendary feather duster threateningly. She never scolded me though, and I doubt I ever gave her a reason to do so.

It's a pity I never really spoke much to grandma because we had a language barrier. She only knew Hokkien, Teochew, and a smattering of Mandarin. I guess my grandma and I communicate mostly with sign language and my pathetically limited Hokkien. But it seemed enough for her to understand me and vice versa.

I've long since outgrown the dresses she bought for me when I was much smaller. The bracelets and bags she bought for me are also really old and they have been passed on to someone else, I think. But the only memories I have of my grandparents would only be of my grandma unfortunately. I've never gotten the chance to know my paternal grandparents. Nonetheless, it feels good to know that I was adored by my Ah Gong and Ah Ma when I was just a little kid.

Japan seems to be plagued by disasters of epic proportions. There's the damage done by the earthquakes, the cracked earth and pummeled buildings, and then there's the debris trailed around by the tsunami. If that's not enough, they are also facing a growing nuclear crisis, with people needing to be evacuated and treated for exposure to the lethal radiation after reactors at the nuclear plant in Fukushima Daichi exploded. 

Yesterday was sort of my last day as a temp worker. It was kind of the right timing too actually, since my enrolment package has arrived and I'll be busy with the paperwork and health checkup. Just the thought of the health checkup is enough to terrify me. Blood tests are petrifying.

I was doing just transcribing for the last few days. I think I like it better than making calls to remind people of their surveys and stuff. Maybe it's just that I feel comfortable with words. Although your ears will hurt after a few hours, you can learn a lot just by listening to the recordings. I was initially really confused with the acronyms used for the different institutions and associations. But aside from that, it was interesting to listen to people talking about their businesses and industry. I wonder how they are going to make a report or analysis after reading the transcripts.

I rushed over to ACSI last night after work without dinner. I was hungry for most of the day since I didn't eat breakfast too since I woke up really late. Thank goodness I ate a filling lunch. Funnily, I met Daphne and April on the bus midway and we nearly got lost. We did manage to find our way to the place in the end.

The contestants were all talented and it was more like a concert than a competition actually. Although I was quite distracted throughout the show due to some reasons, but it was still marvelous. Juniper sang really well. It was a waste that they did not include her in the top three just because of the fact that the guys playing the guitar and drums were not studying at ACSI. The group that won was not bad too though.

Indeed, working is like a whole new world to me. Maybe it's because I'm now working in an office, but it's a totally new environment and first time experience for me. 

I must say that I'm really lucky. It was thanks to my second aunt's colleague who recommended me to the company I'm now working for as a temporary worker that I got this job. I met her younger sister on the first day of work and it was quite nerve-wrecking being in a foreign environment with total strangers. I did not know a single person. I guess, I think it has been a great learning experience for me. I seldom step out of my comfort zone previously. But having been cast in an all new surrounding filled with the business jargons, looming deadlines, extensive data, and excel spreadsheets, I think I have learnt a lot just in two weeks. 

I still remember my first task last Wednesday was to label hundreds of completed surveys. It was an easy task and I managed to complete all by lunchtime. I then went on to call the hundreds of survey participants and companies. It was tiring to call so many people on the first day, but I got used to it afterwards. You realise that tact is a really good tool and perseverance works many times better than persistence. Learning things fast is also not only an advantage, but a necessity when faced with a deadline. Most of all, I feel that adaptability is essential in the working world. I guess I managed to adapt to the office life after the first day. Or maybe it's because I've been working daily from nine to six. I got used to it pretty quickly.

I started on coding today and I must say it requires more brainpower as compared to the rest of the tasks given to us temporary workers. It also takes up much more time and my progress was really slow in the beginning, because I was unsure of the code frames. My speed only increased after lunchtime and I actually managed to finish everything by evening. Unfortunately, because the computer met with some problems, I had to redo the last three columns of the codes all over again and that took me another forty-five minutes to settle. twenty minutes to load the file once more and the rest of the time to fill in the codes all over a again. Well, at least this is my first time working overtime. I was supposed to leave one hour after six then. Unfortunately one of the staff gave me additional coding work to do. I managed to finish it all pretty quickly since it was getting pretty late. I felt that it was better to finish everything cleanly since the deadline was today. Thank goodness my mum didn't mind waiting for me to have dinner. 

All in all, I think working beats lazing around at home being a couch potato. At least I am kept busy! The only disadvantage aside from not being able to sleep in, is that the food there is pretty expensive. A simple plate of wanton mee can cost $4. Eateries and hawkers working in the Central Business District really earn a big pile during mealtimes!

Everyone's busy with school or work after the visiting and celebrating last week. It's time to cut down on my diet again. Alas, there are still a few bottles of Chinese New Year goodies in the kitchen.

It was quite tiring visiting my relatives four days in a row but it was fun in a way. I don't get to meet my relatives often since we don't usually get together - it's a pretty big family after all. Chinese New Year gives us a reason to meet each other and talk to everyone. Seeing my cousins during the lunar new year brought a renewed sense of nostalgia and it suddenly hit me that I've really grown.

Chinese New Year Eve also proved once more that I'm a big klutz and a total featherbrain at Wii games. I only managed not to be the last player in one round. It was kind of fun playing with my cousins nevertheless. The boys grew taller yet again while I remained the same. It was a little awkward at first because I've not seen them for a long time. I think it got alright afterwards, although I didn't chat much the next two days because I was watching movies instead of playing with my cousins. Surprisingly though, most of my cousins were not around yesterday when everyone went to third uncle's house. I chatted quite a bit with Dennis while my mum was with my aunts and uncles. While we were talking, Wen Hao came and I got a big shock when I found out Wen Hao's age. He is already a Primary Five student! It seemed like it was just yesterday that he was a small kid running about excitedly with Yu Sheng. That was when I suddenly have this feeling that I'm old. To think my youngest cousin has grown so fast.

Can you imagine that China has a seven-day long holiday for Chinese New Year? How marvelous for them, while we get only a few miserable days. Oh well.

I have this new theory:

Call it being 'emo' but it's true. Come to think of it, I never really knew why people use 'emo' to describe behaviour when it's actually a music genre. It was only much later did I realise that it's also a term to label those who are socially-withdrawn and anti-social. Silly me.

Right now, I'm actually working on more than two projects. It's devastating to know that my imagination is in the dumps when I have all the time in the world to develop the different plots. I even started on a new story recently because I was stuck. This time it'll be about a couple with a huge age gap. Fourteen years, to be exact.

Isn't it funny? I often write about romance when I've yet to experience an actual relationship. I guess I can draw on my personal life in some areas - stuff like infatuation and such. Another option is to observe the emotions of the roles in those dramas I watch. Which explains why I get so engrossed in watching those drama serials, sitcoms and even variety shows (or you could just call me a TV-addict). Most of the time, I just let my characters do the work. Sad to say, I have a feeling that my characters are in hibernation mode currently. I don't have any inspiration!

It's also insane that I'm blogging now, while writing/typing my story about the 'age-gap-couple' (I'm going to call them that), with my 8000+ words fantasy word document opened, while researching about fairy tales too. Maybe it's true that females were made to multi-task.

C'mon, I need to revive my characters (and all that angst)!

Friends may have said that they envy me, since I need not wake up at some ungodly hour today just for The First Day of School. I woke up at six this morning, just so you know, just because I couldn't get back to sleep. 

I sent in my appeal application form yesterday but I shall assume that I'm going to SP since it is crystal clear that my chances are near zero. The night before the posting results were released, I barely slept a wink. I lost the number of times I tossed and turned in bed. In fact, my mum got quite annoyed each time I switched on the lights to get a drink of water or to use the toilet. It just showed how nervous and anxious I was. I finally went to sleep just when MOE sent me the text message. They couldn't have chosen a better time. 

Well, but I guess the earlier the better it is. Especially when I decided to appeal for the JC I want to go to. Although I'm very much aware how low my chances were, I think there's no harm trying. I don't face the dilemma that some of my friends faced: whether they should appeal even when they have to participate in the orientation for the JC they were posted to. By then they would have made friends and to switch to another school after getting familiarised with the environment and people. It's just a really troublesome process. 

On the other hand, for people like me, I need not bother about any orientation till April. I can only see if my appeal will be successful. Come to think of it, if I do get into the JC I want eventually, won't it be kind of awkward too? I think my enrollment will be pretty late by then. 

I'm not against the idea of going to SP by the way. In fact, I'm quite intrigued by my own course. I have yet to find another person who will be in the same course as me. It'll be a little difficult I guess, seeing that the intake each year is only forty. Maybe my class will be pretty small. 

The reaction when people know which course I'm taking is also quite amusing. It can range from "Oh, that is so cool!" to "Huh? What's that?". Hopefully, I will be able to excel in it. There are so many modules each year...Imagine the amount of writing I need to do. 

It feels uncomfortable knowing your zodiac sign may change. I never really believed in astrology seriously but having grown up knowing that I'm a Scorpio and then suddenly someone tells me that I may or may not be a Libra, it's just...weird. Not to mention that Scorpio and Libra have really different personalities and everyone generally agrees that I definitely fit Scorpio. Well, talking about personality types, at least my blood-type is still the same. 

Aside from that, I'm more troubled about the posting results. I really think that JAE can be considered a health hazard. For the whole week, I've been losing sleep, gorging on food, having stomachaches, all because of my anxiousness, fear, nervousness, and all sorts of conflicting feelings. I was like a pendulum, oscillating between my choices and emotions. There's nothing much I can do now except to wait. I'm not confident of my choices but as long as I get into one of my top three choices, I think I can accept it. I now swing between anticipation and apprehension. It's a horribly confused feeling.


Side note: I've posted up a short story that I wrote a long time ago on deceptivemonologue. 

Choosing has never been so difficult. Well, at least that's how much of a dilemma I'm in right now. 

Everyone's been giving me different advice. I'm not even sure if I should head straight for Singapore Polytechnic or try for a junior college. Yes, I want to get into a JC, but what if the JC I want has a cutoff point which is one mark lower than my own score. Won't that just reduce my chances of getting in? 

Another problem is, I don't mind going to a polytechnic too, but not only is it three years, the course I want is only offered at SP, which is at Dover, a good twenty-something train stops from where I live. The nearest polytechnic does not offer the course I want at all. After four years of long commute to Redhill, I'm not entirely sure that I will enjoy an even longer fifty minute commute on the train. It sounds insane and scary. But the course is offered over there. 

Then comes the problem of CCA. JC timetables mostly end late especially with CCAs, if I do get into the JC I want, it will be inconvenient for me too, seeing that it's not anywhere near my house. As for SP, I have no idea how are the lessons scheduled and how late the CCAs end. That just makes me more worried.

The biggest problem is that I seem to always like schools that are far away. Am I fated to have sleep deprivation and all the tiring commute no matter where I go? 

Usually, I'd post something on New Year's Eve or on the New Year itself. I've not touched Blogger for some time recently, so I shall make up a 'New Year' post now. 

2011's resolutions are quite demanding and I doubt I'll be able to fulfill all of them but no harm hoping for myself.

- I wish to lose weight. Correction: I need to lose weight. I've never been so heavy before.

- Like previous years, I really wish to improve on my singing. Especially my singing techniques.

- This sounds a little impossible, but I wish to pick up a third language.

- Maybe there's still hope for me to brush up on my culinary skills. I can try to cook my own meals this year.

- This is to save money. I aim to spend less on CDs, stuff toys, food and other miscellaneous stuff.

- It may sound ridiculous but I included this every year: Be smarter.

- Another goal which will be the last but definitely not any less important than the others: To know what I want for my future. Till now I'm still floundering along, being unsure of my goals. It's a little scary that teens my age actually know what they want for their future careers, no? 

As a mere kid, I had countless ambitions. Kids are fickle, and my 'ambitions' changed really fast. It seems funny that I'm not entirely sure what I want now. On the other hand, I am sure what I do not want.

I know that I won't want to be a nurse despite saying so a long time ago. I can't even stand the sight of blood or pain. I think I may be the one to pass out instead if I were to give someone else an injection. I know I can't be a firefighter or a doctor. I can't trust myself to be able to handle the stress and emotional burdens that are tied to that kind of jobs. I lack the kind of passion that I admire when I see it in those in the medical workforce or civil services. Neither am I suited for anything to do with science. 

I used to love science actually. But after I came to know about the existence of this subject called Chemistry which is still all Greek to me, and that all other sciences are closely related to it (thus making it compulsory to study it along with Physics or Biology); I realise that I can't bear to study anything related to Chemistry again. Two years of the subject was already painful enough for me. It's not that my teacher was a monster. In fact, she's a really nice person and she encourages all her students all the time. But I have no interest in Chemistry. Understanding it is akin to a duck trying to converse with a fish (although I wonder if that can actually happen). In the end, I had to try my best to memorise the textbook just in order to know what Chemistry is about. Or maybe I'm just dumb that way. 

Right now, I'm not sure how I should proceed on after I've graduated. I know I'm not going to do well for my examinations and that my results will not be fantastic. Which institution will be suitable? Will my aggregate be sufficient? Those kind of questions float in my head like an ever present buoy. If I'm already so confused just after a graduation, what am I going to do next time, wherever I go, when I graduate again? Does 'nowhere' actually exists? I often wonder.