If only I can focus just on my Chinese language instead of needing to study for my MYEs too...

On a lighter note, I passed my Chinese Oral!!! I almost thought I'd failed because I guessed so many words in the reading passage and my conversation component was really lacking since I didn't really know what points to say... Ah well. The best news to me about this oral exam however, was that I scored a good 9/10 for my reading. Which is just unbelievable, because I'm well-known to be atrocious in speaking Mandarin. Maybe it's because the teacher said I had good expression. Heh. Ah, if only O'levels would be this smooth-sailing...

English language oral examination was not for my mid-year results however - the result will be taken and added directly to my preliminary exam results. Given that I didn't really practise or prepare, I thought I did alright. It was a waste that I stuttered during the reading part and I *gasps* interpreted the picture wrongly! I wonder if they will penalize you for that...

Conversation went rather well actually,

My second question was

Actually, I think I could have said more and answered better for the other two questions. But alas, because I was overly concerned and nervous about my answers, I didn't really expand or elaborate much on my views. Which is a great pity. I hope I will still be able to do well, despite all the mistakes I made.

Alright then, I shall sign off here to get back to studying!~

Fighting!

Somehow, I feel that time is trickling by way too fast for me. Before I know it, I'm already drowning in mock examinations, class tests, timed trials, pop quizzes and the Mid-year examinations which is looming over my head like a blade ready to slice through my thick neck.

Why is it that they praise our education so when the students don't seem to have any time to breathe? I sometimes wonder that. I do cherish the fact that I get the chance to have a proper education, in a nice and clean environment with good facilities and such. But I guess all things come with a price. I feel like I have lost all my dreams and cheeriness to school sometimes.

Most adults work a nine to five job. Most students study from seven to five. Not to forget the workload students bring home is comparable to most adults. In the end, the worries about unpaid bills and grown-up stuff is nearly comparable with the stress lots of students face with their academic pursuits and peer pressure. Not to mention the expectations and competition they must consistently tackle. And the equally late nights and even earlier alarms which results in more sleep deprivation in students today as compared to adults.

In fact, I rarely hear adults saying that we students have it good anymore. Instead, they tell us that we have a hard life and sympathise with us, never failing to mention that in their time, it was so much more easier and going to school actually seemed to be a likeable prospect - something almost impossible to comprehend by many students.

See the difference?

It's true that you can't have the cake and eat it.

The person I've become. What would those I'd previously known say if they see how I am now?

Sometimes, I feel that my childhood had been much shorter than my peers, because of the various events that took place within such a short period of time. I found myself maturing far more quickly that my classmates then. I grew independent. Yet lonely at the same time.

My fifth birthday wish was impossible to come true: I wanted an older brother. At that time, I still didn't have my 'bird and bees' talk and thought that a family could pre-order their children. Well, but of course I got distracted by my first pink bicycle which I got for my birthday instead. How easily children are satisfied.

Maybe it is indeed better for one to be the only child. After all, a sibling would steal your parent's attention and affection. Or parents would make comparisons between the siblings. That would be awful, I agree.

Somehow, the wish to have an older sibling has disappeared. But just sometimes, a small part of me wishes that my mum would be happier. I realise it's almost impossible to be happy with the job she has. That aside, I sometimes wished she has more friends to support her. She has given up so much for me. How great an unconditional love is - especially a mother's.


A chapter of my life has come to a small ending - I will need to focus on my major examinations now. My last choir performance was Speech day. Even though we sped up, we did well I guess. My beloved juniors prepared so much for our batch that I was too surprised and touched to say much in person.

I will miss choir so much. I wonder how it will be not to practise or perform for the months ahead. Some say they live to eat. Well, I live to perform. One of the times I feel the happiest would be when I'm preparing tirelessly for an upcoming performance and another would be when I finally get out there onstage and show what I'd worked so hard for, and to be under the limelight, receiving every one's encouragement. I really do love performing. Not being able to perform makes me feel helpless and stifled. I wonder what my future career would be. Of course, my dream is to be an artiste, or a performer. But it's kind of difficult. Plus, this country's entertainment industry is really small. There isn't even much of a market to start with.

I feel helpless.

I'm tired of it all.
I wonder when I will be able to escape from these shadows.
I wish it will stop hurting.



.

I’ve been feeling quite moody for the past few days. It is true that it’s partly because I’m sick and currently am only able of croaking or sounding like a guy at my best.

This is the first time I could not cheer for Keller or anyone during the Sports Carnival. And to think this will be my last Sports Carnival. It was quite boring at some parts but everyone was especially excited during the Staff Relay. I never knew Mr Chng and Ms Loo could sprint so fast! As for Mr Tan, he didn’t let Keller down and his sprint impressed many people. Well, for someone who participates in marathons each year, it’s not really that surprising. Unfortunately, even though the three teachers were really fast and helped Keller to be the first for that race, we are still the last house. Keller has never won anyway.

This week seemed to jolt me back to my past though. I met Hui Xuan’s mother while on the MRT train on Tuesday. It was really awkward to answer her questions about me however – I found the questions a little too personal. I felt a little bad for not telling her the full picture of what happened to my family and other things. But that feeling disappeared after her questions turned really personal and she started to give me advice which I do not actually need. I don’t know why but I get a little apprehensive and uncomfortable when she started advising me about my family matters. I mean, she doesn’t know the full picture so I don’t think it is right to assume what had happened. But, I’m sorry, auntie, that I just told half-truths and didn’t want to answer your questions directly. If only I didn’t tell her my name, things would have been better. She didn’t recognize me at first and said that I have changed a lot in terms of appearances.

Monday’s train journey back was one that shocked me the most though. I thought I saw someone important who I haven’t spoken to since January last year. That person had been a confidante. Till now, I still don’t know if I had offended that person but it definitely is sad that we don’t talk to each other anymore. I tried to ask if I really did see the person on the train the day after but as usual, there wasn’t a definite answer. But I’m sure I didn't recognise wrongly this time. How and why did we drift apart again? I used to hope that I can forget.

"Do you think we will still keep in touch with each other years later?"
"Hey, if you have a girlfriend one day, will you still call me?"