I've been feeling drained out lately...the heat is really killing me!
My mum and I borrowed sixteen novels from the library this morning...And rented three comics - so nice of my mum =]
I've been feeling depressed and useless these few weeks. Well, guess must really try harder. Just that the whole pile of homework waiting for me just puts me out. Just looking at them makes me hate myself for being so lazy. Usually, I would have done all the homework by now, every single bit of it. And I must really get enough motivation to do some running already...I'm putting on more weight. That's coz I ate mocha ice cream last week =(( Plus, I haven't been exactly watching what I eat - been eating lotsa junk. You know, yesterday Yimin asked me if I ever been on a diet. She was quite thoughtful after hearing my response [ I said no ]. She said she couldn't understand why people go on diets either. Lol, i guess that's coz she hasn't been fat in her life before and is trying to be at least acceptable weight instead of being serverely underweight. Although I'd never been on diet before, I certainly thought of it. In fact, it's been on my mind more frequently now. Of course, I can never find the motivation to be able to turn down fattening food as most of the time, I haven't the heart to or rather, with the food in front of me, never seem to see the reason to. On the other hand, I really want to lose weight. Even if I'm not overweight, I'm not exactly slim either.
Doctor has ever said that I will weigh more than girls my age as my bone density is quite high. And I'm big-boned plus, I have a slow metabolism rate. Wouldn't it be nice to have a slim figure and not be so self-concious on how fat you look or how the fat rolls on your pudgy thighs while you walk? Wouldn't it be nice to be fine-boned and be able to look feminine and great? Wouldn't it be nice to have a fast metabolism rate and you can eat whatever you like and not be in the least bothered how on earth are you going to kill of those calories you've just taken? Wouldn't it be nice to be able to show off how good you look in a slim outfit?
The thing is, I've been cursed to be pear-shaped. Like the rest of the family-tree. We all may have slim or average waist, but I have a BIG, DROOPY bottom, and FLABBY thighs. Plus, I have flat feet. And while I may be wallowing pathetically here, it makes it even more miserable that while I could fit into a really small shirt that I couldn't fit into last month yesterday, my shorts are starting to get tight too. Wow, yes, it seems that I lost a teensy bit of fats round my waist or upper frame. But it does seem unfair that my thighs are getting fatter doesn't it?
You know, I fail miserably at losing weight. In the end, it doesn't even matter if you want to go on diet, it's about whether can you do it or not. I can't. Sometimes, you just flop and you just say, heck, why does it matter how people look at me like I'm some fatso? And at other times you whimper and tear up thinking, Why, oh why, am I stuck in this body with lard? Why? And why must they stare at me like I'm so disgusting? That I'm so fat?
Serious. It also doesn't help if you are no great beauty in the facial aspects. That you don't have any really unique features that will look nice. No, it will always be plain jane.
Now, I'm honestly sounding like some fifty-year-old woman right on the brink of menopause. Or some hormonal teen with PMS. Great.
Argh! This calls for some serious waking and running. Must try to wake up tomorrow to run at least seven rounds. Motivation much needed.

Oh my, this must be the longest post ever...Anyway, so.