I went back to Crescent right after my lesson ended today to meet my juniors. I was invited back to speak to them and to motivate them. Somehow, I doubt I did that. Sure, I did prepare. I even did a draft/outline of what I wanted to say. It could be that I've not spoken to a large crowd for a long time. I didn't do well at all. In fact, my mind was in a jumble. This is why I'm always not used to prepared talks. I somewhat do better when it's an impromptu. 

In some sense, I think I'm lucky that I'm now studying my interest instead of being in a regular JC. I didn't stay long in Crescent since I found it mightily awkward being with the JC students in the canteen. It didn't help that my past Chemistry teacher didn't recognise me at all. The rest of my ex-schoolmates were complaining about their school and about how Secondary school life gave them so much more freedom and time. Funnily, I find that SP has given me a lot more freedom. It's not really about not having a uniform although that's part of it too. I think my current school actually allows me to express myself freely because of the culture over there. Or it could be that a lot more freedom is given to us students and we all learn to be independent instead of adhering to a structured school life as it is in JC. 

Previously, I had doubts about Polytechnics because of the usual social stigma about the students there. Then I realised that, hey, every school or institution has 'bad' students, those who cut classes exorbitantly or take it upon themselves to break nearly every rule they can find in the handbook. Thus, I decided to take the chance, to just put my current course as my third choice. If I can't make it into my ideal JC, I'm going to get into SP no matter what. I'm not going to settle for other JCs and if I get my third choice, at least I get to do something I actually like. 

Strangely, the week before the posting results were released, I had this feeling that I was going to SP. I didn't mind when I got into the school too. But I guess it was because of my friends' persuading that I decided to appeal for my first choice instead. I'm now really glad that the appeal didn't go through. I think - no, I know - that I'd be unhappy in JC. It's been a long time since I felt this happy. 

Maybe I was just being bull-headed. But if I were to be honest, I had a hard time dealing with some of my subjects in Secondary school. I used to have no problems acing for most of my subjects - even Math was alright most of the time. That stopped when I got to Upper Secondary. It was hell for me suddenly. 

I used to love Science. Physics was intriguing, Biology was mystical and Math was just, well, there. Suddenly, Physics became frustrating and abstract; Biology only unveiled more unsolved mysteries and confusion, and Math became abdominal. There was the introduction of Chemistry, the alien language I never managed to even begin to understand. Additional Mathematics was painful to study. Elementary Mathematics was dry and dreary. My teachers were all good and they tried to help me individually. Sad to say, it didn't really work out for me because I had no interest in the subjects and it took a lot of difficulty to even understand the basics. I was just dumb that way. 

It made me feel worse that my class was supposedly good at Math and Sciences. While my classmates complained about not doing well for Languages and Humanities, I was struggling with Math and Sciences instead. It could have worked out if we'd helped each other then. But there was a limit to what my peers could do since they had their own other commitments too. Coupled with the fact that I never had tuition, I guess my mum was not surprised that my results were not outstanding when compared to my classmates. Crescent was fun and I love the friends and memories I made there over the last four years. I miss it too. But I guess I had a tough time with the subjects I just could not bring myself to like or to excel in.

Thinking back to how different I felt just a few months ago, I'm really glad that I'm in DTVM now. I've also befriended many people in my new school, and I can actually see myself having an awesome time in the next few years. I'm finally truly happy.