celestial awakening
xxxxxx
night stars are the street lights of eternity.
Oh, the irony.
Sunday, July 24, 2011 @ 9:15 pm leave a comment? | 0 shed some light
A conversation with someone years ago,


"Can I be considered as a best friend?"
"Do you believe in fate?"
"You didn't answer my question."
"I don't believe in best friends."
"Why?"
"Friends come and go after a while."
"What about best friends then?"
"They'll still leave in the end."
"Will you keep in contact with me in the future?"
"No. Do you believe in fate?"
"I don't know. Maybe?"
"If it's meant to be, we'll meet."
"Do you believe in soulmates then?"
"Everything is the same. They are just labels."


I guess it's a pessimist's way of thinking about friendship. Ironically, my friend believed in destiny. I can't remember the exact words, but the conversation played out as shown above. It's not surprising that we're not in touch anymore. He was right that friends come and go in life. It's tough keeping hold of a friend. I try my best to talk and hold on to most of my friends but people do drift apart sometimes, I guess. Either that or I've been an awful friend to have lost touch with so many people. The one who said all those cynical lines above in particular. But it could be for the better sometimes. There's never a direct answer when it comes to human relations, is there? 


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A Blast from the Past
Friday, October 08, 2010 @ 9:33 pm leave a comment? | 0 shed some light




Hey G1 (please read to the end)


As you all know, my voice can only come out as a croak today and that I was sick so I didn’t attend school the day before. I was thinking of making a small speech to thank you guys but I didn’t have the voice or the time to with all the shuttling about for the Graduation thing.

For the past four years, I’ve been in the class committee and enjoyed taking care of the classes I was in. When I first came to G1, I was struck by how different it was compared to my lower secondary class. There was a group of really smart students, and a group of people who love to play so much.

There were cliques since the start, and I was so worried initially about the class being too “detached” or “un-bonded”. Even the class outing was a total flop, with only seven out of forty turning up at the Zoo. I was at a loss. Previously, I’d thought that class outings are a sure way to have everyone play together and get to know each other better. It’s no surprise that we had no class outings since the first failure. No one was interested, or they just didn’t bother to remember it.

Then there was the problem of classroom cleanliness. I used fines to make people do their duties previously. But it just didn’t work for G1. The thing was, no one bothered to pay the fines anyway (I will get to the issue of CLASS FUNDS later). Even if my voice turns hoarse from shouting, no one listens. In fact, I eventually concede defeat as with the class outings matter. I learnt to freak out with the class each time the councilors come to check instead of the initial “I told you so” thought in my head at the start.

Each time we collect cash for our class fund, it’s really exactly like taking on the role of the loanshark to hunt people down for money. Yes, hunt. I realize that without a good amount of pestering and resilient persistence, the money will never materialize in Charmaine Chong’s hand, accompanied by the usual sheepish look by the person who owes the moolah.

I’ve also lost the number of times I lost my voice thanks to all the shouting and screaming I have to do just to speak over all forty voices. In fact, I often go for choir practices with a hoarse voice, apologizing for not being able to sing my best because I shouted too much in the morning. I’d nearly wanted to give up because it really is a herculean task to control all of you, the all-too-chatty bunch of girls, in class. I fervently prayed, wished, hoped and even pleaded for a day of peace, when the largest class in the level will actually listen to me and not get scolded by the teachers for being too rowdy for once.

However, now that we’ve graduated, I feel like I’ve just lost forty children (although the thought of being a mother of forty is just horrifying and scandalous). Throughout these two years, we’ve been scolded together, punished together, laughed together, cried together, and screamed together. I found out that hey, class outings don't matter if the class is able to bond over unfinished homework, approaching deadlines, canteen food and Gotchas. The Class of the Year award doesn't matter to us, since our class is already so bonded and close. 

I won’t lie and say that being the chairperson is easy and awesome. In reality, a chairperson is indeed a great responsibility and the job is difficult. Yet, I will never regret being the chairperson of G1. I may be stern sometimes, and I know I’ve reprimanded the class many times, but I love each and every one of you because all of you are what made me keep going as your chairperson. You all have encouraged me and pushed me on in completing my duties. Especially so when I was also a Vice President for choir at the same time.

I know I have not been a great role model. I have my own cranky moodswings in the morning when I’m not fully awake yet. I fell asleep in classes. I come into school in the morning at 6 plus all bleary-eyed and blur. Sometimes, I rush through the admin work for the class because I was dealing with choir instead. In fact, all these could just make me the worst candidate for a leader.

But nonetheless, I hope I’ve helped you all and was a nice chairperson. I love you all. I really do.





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Tomorrow's Graduation Day
Thursday, October 07, 2010 @ 8:10 pm leave a comment? | 0 shed some light
I've been having dreams of people I know from the past recently.
Among them, the one who stood out the most was a person whom I used to like very much; a person who knew me really well.  Or maybe it's just the strong sense of nostalgia that's hitting me so suddenly. Could it be that the flu I'm having is affecting my sleep? 

When I graduated from my previous school, there wasn't much fuss about it. There was no 'Graduation Night' nor a celebration. The last day of school just quietly came and went just like that. Perhaps I could have done much more and forge stronger friendships if not for my painfully shy attitude towards my peers. But even then, friends drift apart no matter what. That I realize just a year ago. It hurts I suppose, when you realize someone whom you used to talk to over the phone about the most trivial and mundane matters at the end of each day has grown distant. It hurts even more when you finally know that your status has changed from someone who matters to that of just a mere acquaintance. Perhaps the least painful way out is to ignore the irrational feeling of somehow being betrayed and just move on in life. In time to come, new friends replace the old and life's good once more. Sometimes though, it's hard. Especially when the person used to be someone special to you. It's just too hard to forget, and too difficult to ignore. 

Sometimes, I can't help but wonder if I'd ever been a truly great friend to those I've drifted apart from. Maybe, just maybe, if I'd been much more persistent, if only I'd not been so passive, could I still have sustained those lost friendships or bonds which have been shriveled up to nothingness?


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The crush.
Saturday, April 03, 2010 @ 11:16 am leave a comment? | 0 shed some light
I’ve been feeling quite moody for the past few days. It is true that it’s partly because I’m sick and currently am only able of croaking or sounding like a guy at my best.

This is the first time I could not cheer for Keller or anyone during the Sports Carnival. And to think this will be my last Sports Carnival. It was quite boring at some parts but everyone was especially excited during the Staff Relay. I never knew Mr Chng and Ms Loo could sprint so fast! As for Mr Tan, he didn’t let Keller down and his sprint impressed many people. Well, for someone who participates in marathons each year, it’s not really that surprising. Unfortunately, even though the three teachers were really fast and helped Keller to be the first for that race, we are still the last house. Keller has never won anyway.

This week seemed to jolt me back to my past though. I met Hui Xuan’s mother while on the MRT train on Tuesday. It was really awkward to answer her questions about me however – I found the questions a little too personal. I felt a little bad for not telling her the full picture of what happened to my family and other things. But that feeling disappeared after her questions turned really personal and she started to give me advice which I do not actually need. I don’t know why but I get a little apprehensive and uncomfortable when she started advising me about my family matters. I mean, she doesn’t know the full picture so I don’t think it is right to assume what had happened. But, I’m sorry, auntie, that I just told half-truths and didn’t want to answer your questions directly. If only I didn’t tell her my name, things would have been better. She didn’t recognize me at first and said that I have changed a lot in terms of appearances.

Monday’s train journey back was one that shocked me the most though. I thought I saw someone important who I haven’t spoken to since January last year. That person had been a confidante. Till now, I still don’t know if I had offended that person but it definitely is sad that we don’t talk to each other anymore. I tried to ask if I really did see the person on the train the day after but as usual, there wasn’t a definite answer. But I’m sure I didn't recognise wrongly this time. How and why did we drift apart again? I used to hope that I can forget.

"Do you think we will still keep in touch with each other years later?"
"Hey, if you have a girlfriend one day, will you still call me?"

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Rascal
Friday, December 18, 2009 @ 9:43 am leave a comment? | 0 shed some light
'Tis strange how I wake up in the mornings and tell myself that I must do my best to finish a portion of my homework, only to find myself on Facebook a few hours later. If I'm not on Facebook, I will be on mysoju, watching drama shows. Call it a lack of willpower, or just an easily distracted child.

The situation gets worse when my mum works from home. There's just something in me, that tries to pester another person in the vicinity if I'm doing my work at home. Maybe that's why I prefer to work alone.

Quite a few people gone for their Primary school reunions this week. What my mum said actually came true after all. When I go for my reunions in time to come, I will increasingly regret not being as close to my ex-classmates as I wish I had. I wasn't as crazy and sociable in Primary school. That was also one of the reasons why I changed my first choice to my current school on the last day of submission for the choosing of schools. I hoped that I would be able to change myself by going to a school where I didn't know anyone. Well, Jolene went to the same school and we have been classmates since...I can't remember when. How many donkey years have we been in the same class, Jo? Anyway, I did manage to change myself. I became spontaneous, friendlier, and funny. But when I go for these reunions, my character turns back to how I was years ago. Funny, isn't it? To my ex-classmates, I may always be the strange, weird kid, who never really talks.


On the other hand, it is true that I take quite some time to warm up to people. Common topics help too.

Ah.


On the lighter note, I've decided to name the new penguin Russel. My mum has been calling it 'Guin' for days. But I think Russel suits that naughty rascal more. It's so chubby and fat!!! Cute!

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Why We Sing
Monday, December 14, 2009 @ 9:30 pm leave a comment? | 0 shed some light
I have been busy for the past few days.

Every year, I look forward to November/December choir practices as we are usually preparing for a concert and we get to have rehearsals almost daily. I really wish we could be like what Mrs Lim said about those Swedish schools - they have 'singing schools' where great emphasis is placed on singing instead of academics. Ah, the joy of singing everyday in a choir.

I felt really proud of my juniors after hearing them improve the week before the concert. It was good that Laura, Melanie and Jia Ying came back to help us. The techniques they introduced to us reminded me so much of Mr Albert Tay. Somehow, I still think all the techniques taught by him are the most effective for me. Ah, my Secondary One days, when we had Ms Jennifer Tham and Mr Tay.

Being so proud of my cute, lovable juniors (Hahaha), somehow this just makes me feel old. Especially the thought of leaving them next April. I will miss them all so much!
I'm a little worried for my section though. What Juniper said is true: the bulk of our section's voices come from the Sec3s. Meaning to say that the rest must put a teensy bit more effort to train their voices more so that they can coach the new people next year. The rest of the sections improved by leaps and bounds this holiday however. The Alto two section now sounds really strong and expressive. The Soprano two section can pretty much survive without Yi Bin or Claudia now. Alto One still needs to be more strong when coming in but they have improved nevertheless!

This time I bought candy canes and chocolates for the choir to thank them for working so hard for this performance. The section leaders all bought something for their own sections - except Soprano One..Hahaha. Well, that's okay. I managed to get gummies from Winny. Maybe what Zi Yu said is right, I keep bullying her. Well, I don't think I'm a bully...But I do pester her a lot. But she is such a nice person!! :D I'm so sorry for always disturbing you online, Winny! Hope she reads this.

I managed to apply make-up for myself for the performance fairly well. The eyeshadow has never been a problem but lipstick and blusher are the tougher ones to tackle. Anyway, I helped a few of the others to apply the eyeshadow. But dear Winny just refused to have a single layer of cosmetics on her face. Therefore, IF we ever have a concert before I step down, my main mission will be to make sure everyone has a decent amount of makeup. That clever girl managed to wash off the blusher. Tsk.

Our Saturday's performance went well. We sounded awesome. I think. Personally, I think we look better in the purple lycra shirt and black pants when compared to us wearing the gowns. Oh, Ying Ting only returned her gown last week, when SYF was right in the first half of the year. We were all really surprised to see her return with the gown.

My mum bought me a penguin plushie on Saturday. It's turning into a little tradition: Her buying soft toys each time I perform. I don't mind it at all. This penguin is really plump - well, fat. But it's just so cute! After the concert, mum and I went to the Niwa Sushi shop at Tampines MRT Station to eat some sushis. Those were delicious!

Sunday was indeed a busy day. Since I woke up pretty late, I had to rush through my practising for my guitar lesson. Considering the fact that I had rehearsals the whole week for choir and reached home late and didn't practise at all till an hour before lesson, I think I did pretty well. I relied solely on sight-reading this time and the only thing the teacher remarked on was that I need to try to minimise any non-guitar sounds while playing. Oh, and that I must not turn my wrist like what I did when I was asked to play the A Minor scale.

Right after lesson, I went to change into a skirt since I can't wear shorts to Espanade. I was the first to reach City Hall. After the rest came we set off for the KBox branch at Marina Square with Cynthia leading the way. My first time at a Karaoke lounge made me feel a little apprehensive when I stepped in. All of us had lots of fun though. Ms Ong and Claudia joined us a while later.

Since the concert started at 7.30pm, except for Cynthia, all of us rushed over to Espanade minutes before. Since Zhuo Min, her mum, Juniper and I were the only ones who bought the $35 tickets, we had to separate from the rest who bought the $20 tickets. When Juniper and I got to the Circle seats, we were a mere three minutes from the start of the concert.

SYC and Friends concert was awesome! The SYC Ensemble Singers sounded really good. Every section is really strong and the balance was good. We got to see Ms Tham and Mr Tay sing too! There was this guy who is singing in Baritone or Bass - he's just so expressive that it's so outstanding! All the soloists were really remarkable too! I especially like the Cantate Domino by Vaclovas Augustinas and the Light Mass part after the Intermission. Benedictus sounded beautiful :D
Juniper and I shouted "You rock, Jollin" or something along that line afterwards. I think Jollin heard it since we were sitting almost directly over the stage.

After the concert, I met Ee Faye and a few of the Sec1s who attended the concert too on my way to the station. They found the songs long. Well, I'm not sure...I was just blown away by the beauty of the songs that it didn't really matter to me how long there were. While passing by New York New York restuarant, I saw Yi Bin and Claudia. I didn't join them for supper though - since it was kind of late. Since I only had breakfast the whole day, I had a cup of yogurt and seaweed crackers upon reaching home. I was just so tired...

Today was the 6/9 gathering. I was really worried when Juniper initially said that we were going to meet Ms Ong today. But since my activities didn't clash with each other in the end, I got to go for today's gathering. Not many people actually went. We just loitered around at Changi Airport's Terminal Two and ate at the McDonald's there. After which all of us could not agree on a place to proceed to. Some wanted to go bowling, some wanted to play pool. In the end we just went to Kai Ho's house. Everyone just played cards or Wii. I didn't get the chance to watch them play Guitar Hero since I had to go home for dinner. Which is kind of a pity since my school's Wii games don't seem to include Guitar Hero.

Walking to Tanah Merah station from Kai Ho's house would not have been possible without Priscilla. I would've most probably gotten lost somewhere and Michael said he has a poor sense of direction. Indeed because we almost went off in the wrong direction at some road if not for Priscilla asking us to cross it. Anyway, somehow I just don't know how to talk to my ex-classmates as easily as how I talk to my choir people or my present classmates. Maybe it's because I used to be so shy and timid. And to think that people from Crescent will most probably not use those two words to describe me now. Ah well.

I managed to change my ear studs today! It was incredibly difficult at first and I was wondering if I will have the same ear studs for the rest of my life and die with them. But I got them changed in the end!! But my right earlobe hurts now. I don't know why. DD:

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Deck the Halls
Thursday, December 25, 2008 @ 11:28 am leave a comment? | 0 shed some light
Merry Christmas!

I don't really feel the Christmas mood this year though. Maybe it's because I've just painted my house and the furniture is in quite a mess. Or maybe it's because I have yet to complete my homework. I'm working on it, thank you. 陈老师may have said that this year's homework is easy as we only need to type out a minimum of four substantial journal entries on the Koobits software. Sure, it does sound better than book reviews and such but as I was trying to do my Chinese homework on Christmas Eve, I realised the standards of my Mandarin. Oh well.

My mum got an Ipod nano-chromatic for me! Plus a little soft toy chick. It's just really great of her to get me such nice things. =D
I bought her perfume and gave her a hand-made card plus a drawing which I took two and a half hours to do. I had to use so many markers, pigment pens and colours to just draw that Christmas tree. Thank goodness my mum loves the Christmas tree piece. I haven't been drawing for some time and I was worried my designing skills have all but drained away.
Thinking about it, this Christmas has not been that bad either. Sure, my best friend is currently ignoring me. But I made new friends from the festival this December and I became braver so much so as to add people online.

The 6/9 gathering was made up of seventeen people out of the past forty-three. Anyway, I met Jolene and Chan Qy at Simei MRT station and we were walking towards some faraway bus stop when we had to backtrack to the station once more. Daniel suddenly called up and asked to meet us at the station. Somehow, we managed to find our way to Kelly's house. Jolene was leading the way most of the time.

We also found out how vain Daniel and Benedict are since they just can't stop worrying about their hair. Once we reached the house, they zoomed to the mirror and arranged their hair once more. It was also hilarious when Daniel actually mistook a shaver for a house phone.

We were the first few to arrive so time was spent just sitting around to wait for the others to come. Next came Avelene and after Christel, Tabitha, Beth and Priscilla reached the place, we started to pool the DVDs together and choose which to watch. Prisicilla declared that we should watch the NC16 movies since she doesn't get to watch them at home.

We started with Wall-E which is so much more innocent compared to the rest of the shows. While we ate the pizza, Iris, Cally and Kai Ho arrived. Some people left during the second show I think. Next up was Wanted and Tropic Thunder. Wanted was kind of nice if you exclude some parts of the movie. Tropic Thunder was funny in a really sadistic way. Both movies were really bloody.
In the end, only the girls and Kai Ho were left. Our Movie Marathon only had three movies and lots of junk food. But at least the gathering was kind of successful since almost twenty came.

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