Choosing has never been so difficult. Well, at least that's how much of a dilemma I'm in right now. 

Everyone's been giving me different advice. I'm not even sure if I should head straight for Singapore Polytechnic or try for a junior college. Yes, I want to get into a JC, but what if the JC I want has a cutoff point which is one mark lower than my own score. Won't that just reduce my chances of getting in? 

Another problem is, I don't mind going to a polytechnic too, but not only is it three years, the course I want is only offered at SP, which is at Dover, a good twenty-something train stops from where I live. The nearest polytechnic does not offer the course I want at all. After four years of long commute to Redhill, I'm not entirely sure that I will enjoy an even longer fifty minute commute on the train. It sounds insane and scary. But the course is offered over there. 

Then comes the problem of CCA. JC timetables mostly end late especially with CCAs, if I do get into the JC I want, it will be inconvenient for me too, seeing that it's not anywhere near my house. As for SP, I have no idea how are the lessons scheduled and how late the CCAs end. That just makes me more worried.

The biggest problem is that I seem to always like schools that are far away. Am I fated to have sleep deprivation and all the tiring commute no matter where I go? 

Usually, I'd post something on New Year's Eve or on the New Year itself. I've not touched Blogger for some time recently, so I shall make up a 'New Year' post now. 

2011's resolutions are quite demanding and I doubt I'll be able to fulfill all of them but no harm hoping for myself.

- I wish to lose weight. Correction: I need to lose weight. I've never been so heavy before.

- Like previous years, I really wish to improve on my singing. Especially my singing techniques.

- This sounds a little impossible, but I wish to pick up a third language.

- Maybe there's still hope for me to brush up on my culinary skills. I can try to cook my own meals this year.

- This is to save money. I aim to spend less on CDs, stuff toys, food and other miscellaneous stuff.

- It may sound ridiculous but I included this every year: Be smarter.

- Another goal which will be the last but definitely not any less important than the others: To know what I want for my future. Till now I'm still floundering along, being unsure of my goals. It's a little scary that teens my age actually know what they want for their future careers, no? 

As a mere kid, I had countless ambitions. Kids are fickle, and my 'ambitions' changed really fast. It seems funny that I'm not entirely sure what I want now. On the other hand, I am sure what I do not want.

I know that I won't want to be a nurse despite saying so a long time ago. I can't even stand the sight of blood or pain. I think I may be the one to pass out instead if I were to give someone else an injection. I know I can't be a firefighter or a doctor. I can't trust myself to be able to handle the stress and emotional burdens that are tied to that kind of jobs. I lack the kind of passion that I admire when I see it in those in the medical workforce or civil services. Neither am I suited for anything to do with science. 

I used to love science actually. But after I came to know about the existence of this subject called Chemistry which is still all Greek to me, and that all other sciences are closely related to it (thus making it compulsory to study it along with Physics or Biology); I realise that I can't bear to study anything related to Chemistry again. Two years of the subject was already painful enough for me. It's not that my teacher was a monster. In fact, she's a really nice person and she encourages all her students all the time. But I have no interest in Chemistry. Understanding it is akin to a duck trying to converse with a fish (although I wonder if that can actually happen). In the end, I had to try my best to memorise the textbook just in order to know what Chemistry is about. Or maybe I'm just dumb that way. 

Right now, I'm not sure how I should proceed on after I've graduated. I know I'm not going to do well for my examinations and that my results will not be fantastic. Which institution will be suitable? Will my aggregate be sufficient? Those kind of questions float in my head like an ever present buoy. If I'm already so confused just after a graduation, what am I going to do next time, wherever I go, when I graduate again? Does 'nowhere' actually exists? I often wonder. 

Merry Christmas, everyone!

I've yet to complete my mum's Christmas card! I made two but it was ugly so I decided to redo the card a second time. I hope my mum will like it! So far I'm still drawing the Christmas trees leaf by leaf. I should be able to make it in time...I've been wasting my time at home watching dramas and writing anyway.

Talking about dramas, after watching Secret Garden while I was in Korea, I immediately went to watch it online after coming back, with English subtitles this time. It's really addictive. My heart skips a beat each time the male lead does something romantic. I think Hyun Bin and Ha Ji Won have really good chemistry. If not for Hyun Bin being in a relationship, I would wonder if the two are actually going out with each other off-screen.

I also watched the movie Tangled last weekend. It's a really great movie. Sort of a new twist of the fairytale Rapunzel. Now, I'm not sure which is better, the original version or this modern remake. But I think the witch in the original tale was slightly more wicked and not as pretty I guess. The songs used in the movie were charming. I don't know who sang them but the voices were rich and lovely!

I've also finally posted about my trip to South Korea. I know I'm a lazy person but at least I managed to type it all out: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

I separated it into the places I visited, starting from 제주도, 경기도, 강원도, and then 서울.

Note: The whole thing may seem abrupt because I wrote some of it while I was travelling in Korea and another part after I came home. 

It was time to start our city tour! Our first stop was the Korea Ginseng shop, where Andy gave us a brief talk about the history and structure of the ginseng. We then filed into a room with sales staff who immediately started to promote their products over the glass counters. I never really liked the taste or smell of ginseng. Mum and I just stood at a side while the others were busy buying boxes and boxes of ginseng. I was still half asleep at that time too actually, so I was just standing at a corner with a blank expression, with half my brain in dreamland.

The next location was the local cosmetic shop, where most of the boys just decided to stay on the coach. While the salesgirl explained about the different products, I was just looking around. Till today, I'm still not sure which product I should use first. In total, she introduced about five to six products, including the botox set Andy told us about. I was quite lost and my mum later reprimanded me for not listening while the salesgirl was explaining because both of us got confused when it was time to purchase those products. In the end, we spent near 400, 000 won on the facial cleanser, facial scrub, moisturiser/toner, and the BB cream. I insisted on the BB cream since it works as a sunblock too.

We then went on to the Amethyst shop, where photography was not allowed. Mum bought a few keychains as souvenirs and gifts while I admired the jewellery. I saw one or two green amethyst which were really pretty.

Next was the Korean Traditional Cultural Centre where we learnt how to make kimchi. Well, we didn't actually learn how to make it, it was more like how to spread the paste onto the vegetable. Mum didn't join me but I tried on the hanbok and took a few pictures. What I remember most distinctly about the place however, is the ginseng milk they gave to us to drink. It was surprisingly delicious to drink!

We visited the Gyeongbok Palace (경복궁) afterwards. There wasn't much to do there, frankly speaking. The whole compound looked really elegant, pretty and it was huge. There were a few other tourists and men sweeping the snow off the steps. Andy told us that the ground was uneven so as to discourage assassins (uneven footing serves as an obstacle for them) and it also deters court officials from walking too fast. It also forces subordinates to look down to watch their footing instead. It's a really clever idea, really.

We then went on to Lotte World Adventure Park. First off, we took the monorail as a group again as Andy wanted to give us a good view of the place. I then went outdoors with Ming Jun, Yik Keat, Shuting and Bosco. I think I was more of a nanny for Ming Jun considering that I'm the oldest and Ming Jun's mum asked me to keep Ming Jun's dinner money for him. I felt bad for leaving my mum alone though.

The first ride we took was the Gyro Drop. Jerrie joined us in the queue. Previously I decided to join the youngsters since I wanted to go to the outdoor theme park. Usually I'll just take the 'safer' rides but since it had been a long time since I last rode on anything, I just tagged along. When I saw just how high the Gyro Drop is however, I started having the feeling of backing out. Well but in the end I did take it and it wasn't as scary as it seemed.

The next ride they wanted to go on was the Gyro Swing but I vehemently refused to take it. Instead, I spent an entire hour waiting for them. I wanted to go indoors to look for my mum but I was afraid that they would not be able to find me later. I ended up staying at a side amidst the stares of those that were queuing. I think they were wondering if I was lost or I was stood up.

We later moved indoors for dinner. While we were walking with the guys, I spotted a teddy bear and nearly squealed in joy. Shuting also stopped to take a look around the shop. Unfortunately the boys didn't noticed and just moved off. By the time I turned around, I was horrified to see no one there. I seriously panicked and started walking around, trying to look for them. Thank goodness they found us - well they actually met us halfway to be exact.

After dinner, we went back outside and tried the bumper cars. It was fun in the beginning but it was definitely not fun getting stuck between two cars midway. With just fifteen minutes left, we went back indoors and because I didn't know better, I blindly followed them when Ming Jun said he wanted to try the Sinbad Adventure Ride. It was a bad idea.

I dislike being in dark places. And I dislike creepy looking things like skeletons and monsters even more. That  was why I pretended I didn't hear Ming Jun's suggestion about going into the Haunted House when we were outdoors. I'm not sure what I did but I vaguely recall screaming my head off during the ride while the rest seemed amused by my lack of courage. That night, I couldn't really sleep well.

Breakfast was Chinese food again. I laughed when Yik Keat's father joked, "我们已经算是一家人了!" when Andy asked if we were a group of eight. For the two days in Seoul, we had to separate into groups of eight for breakfast. With the couple, mum and me and Yik Keat's family, we shared the same table for the last two days. Funnily, the uncle whom mum and I always sit with also said the exact same sentence when Andy asked if we were a group when we had to separate into groups of four earlier on during meals too.

If there's anything I dislike about the food in Korea, that will be the Chinese food. I did not eat much of it because it was really salty. They actually hired chefs from China to cook for the restuarants - maybe the people in China prefer saltier food. Otherwise, I really loved the local dishes they fed us in Korea.

There was not enough time for another visit to Dongdaemun so we went to Shinchon again instead. Lunch was absolutely delicious. Mum and I ate at this French cafe (I'm so sorry but I really can't remember the name) and the bread roll I had was amazing. Carole and Aiqing joined us later. We ended up shopping with the two ladies. I bought more ear studs before we went back to the bus. Carole also bought lots of accessories and a scarf-like thing.

Everyone was somewhat subdued on the coach while we were on our way to Incheon airport. I was just staring out of the window. It was really an awesome week and I really love the place. While on the coach, Anthony/Kijung-ssi handed out the photos he took of us throughout the trip and we could choose to buy it. Mum bought everything. I think most ended up buying all the photos too since they were well-taken. At the airport, everyone stood around to take pictures with Andy and Anthony before checking in.

Before the flight, I stopped at a booth where I got to make this headband. It's actually something young girls wear in Korea, together with the hanbok. That was the last thing I did before leaving South Korea. Mum and I then took our medication again (thank goodness I remembered this time). It was awful to take it without water. It's not only excessively bitter, it's spicy too! Now I know why Ming Jun's face scrunched up so much when he took it without water earlier.

There wasn't much to do on the plane. I played Reversi eight times, winning the game five times. Dinner was bibimbap and it was really nice. I then whiled the time away dozing or just watching the movie 'Up' from another person's screen (the guy was sitting in front - I think he was a Japanese). They gave us a midnight snack too: onigiri. I then overturned my cup of orange juice in my sleepy state. In the end I had to use quite a few pieces of tissue paper just to dry my pants. I didn't dare to order anything else to drink.

Everyone was a little dazed after we landed in Singapore since it was really late. I think mum and I were the first to collect our stuff. After mum bade goodbye to Carole we went off to the taxi stand. Thank goodness I stopped halfway to buy a drink at Ya Kun just outside because the ride home took longer than expected. The taxi driver got lost and in the end, my mum had to give out directions. Ah well.

All in all, this trip was great. I do agree with my mum that it was a pity that I didn't start making friends earlier (I only started to talk to the rest of the teens in the second half of the week). But at least I managed to buy the rabbit I wanted and played with snow for the first time. For now, I'm stuck with wondering how I should close this post properly...

I miss South Korea!

We woke up really early in the morning to prepare. Mum's panicky personality forced me to wake up all bleary-eyed and we were the first to reach the hotel lobby. I remember the temperature outside was -7 degrees Celsius when it was still dark. We had to walk quite a bit to get to the restaurant for breakfast and I was grateful for the ski clothes which were warmer than my own clothes.

We later went up to the top of the mountain by the gondola. We shared a gondola with Yik Keat's family (the couple could be considered part of our group of four since we always sit together during meals). Too bad no one could see out of the window while we were making our way up since the glass was all fogged up by frost. The view was beautiful at the top. Everyone played with the think snow and took pictures. I didn't bring my camera unfortunately so I couldn't take any photographs while at the top.

After spending some time with the thick snow, our group went down to collect our skis. Andy helped to estimate our sizes and the skis were heavy. It was then on to our mini ski lesson with teacher Andy. Andy taught us well but I'm quite horrible at skiing, I must admit. Sure it was fun skiing down the slope, but I got bored after a while and it was a tiring climb back up the slope. Half the time I was busy helping people up and falling down anyway. In fact, mum and I were the first to head back to the hotel since I perspired a lot. I was honestly grossed out by my sweat and I decided to head back early to shower instead. I even managed to shampoo my hair twice even with a glass cup to splash water. After checking out, we returned our ski outfits and goggles to the rental shop (not before having our lunch first though!) Lunch was nice: Mushroom hotpot.

The next event was the sauna: Blue Canyon Water Themepark. I heard there are water slides and swimming pools inside. Unfortunately, mum and I didn't go and there were also a few who did not want to go too. We then spent the two hours together. There were a pair of siblings at the bowling alley and all of us just sat at the back watching them play. I mostly listened to the adults' chat.

Dinner was barbeque again and it was good. But because we were on the road for a long time, I was kinda groggy and nauseous. We then checked into Class 300 Hotel after braving the cold outside. The hotel was the best I stayed in throughout the entire week in South Korea. The first thing that came to my mind when I went into the room was: 완자 진짜 대박!! The toilet even flushes automatically!!

8 December 2010

The next morning Andy asked us to meet at the restaurant in the hotel instead of the lobby. We wanted to catch the sunrise but unfortunately, because it was too cloudy, everyone could only watch the sky brighten without actually seeing a sunrise. Breakfast was good though. After checking out, we left for Mount Sorak National Park.

It was beautiful! Because it snowed heavily in the area the day before, the path was slippery and dangerous. But the white snow made the scene look so ethereal! We ascended to the top half of one of the mountains by cable car, before going further up by foot. I didn't go all the way up to the peak though, since I found it too slippery. I stopped at the end of the steps with my mum with another mother from the tour group (I later found out that the lady was Bosco's and Kyle's mother). I wouldn't have problems going up actually, it's just that I was more worried about the coming down part.

After we went down, we visited a temple. It was built in the shape of the Buddha. We could hear the monk's chanting resounding from the belly of the statue. True enough, when we went in, there was a monk inside. There was a booth at the entrance for Buddhists to buy talismans. There was also another booth further out with candles for people to write well wishes on them. It was quite interesting since I usually only see those candles in dramas. It was my first time seeing it. We then left for Nami Island after lunch.

It was snowing when we got to the jetty! Everyone was so excited because they were hoping to see snow. It's pretty. Likewise, Nami Island was breathtaking, with its beauty further accented by the white layer of snow. We first went to the spot where the two leads of the famous Winter Sonata posed. I never watched the drama but it was funny when Andy taught a couple just how to do the exact pose as shown in the show.

There was free time afterwards for us to walk around the island. I saw a little house with two white dogs inside. I'm usually really scared of animals but because they were in the enclosure, I went over to give them a greeting. One dog actually came over and wanted to open the door to get out - maybe it wanted to play with me? The door was locked unfortunately. My new friends and I made do with staring at each other and smiling, if dogs could smile.

As I was walking about, I saw Ming Jun sitting at some frozen pond trying to bash a hole into the water underneath the sheet of ice. It made me wonder if the Han river freezes over during winter. Oh and Yik Keat made a huge snowball. He was collecting snow for his snowball since we arrived at Nami Island. The end product was actually much bigger than the one in the photo I took with him. I think he left it on the island before we left.

Dinner that day was at an eatery near the jetty. It was some vegetable with pork thing. Delicious! Later that night, because a few people wanted to go shopping, Andy brought the whole group to Dongdaemun. Mum and I got lost instead (just like in Everland), and used the 'trial and error' method to find the correct door to leave. We smartly went out when it was snowing heavily outside. I managed to take a pretty jerky video of the whole thing. The best part was when Andy later said that the weather forecast predicted that it would snow heavily but it did not. Little did he know that it did snow heavily but the whole thing lasted for a few minutes.

The third morning, we left for the airport right after breakfast, bidding a goodbye to Jeju. We were then driven to Gyeonggi-do after arriving on mainland. It was time for Everland!

Frankly speaking, if I'd thought Jeju was cold, Everland was freezing. Since Jeju was the southern-most part of Korea, I guess it can be right to say it's the warmest? I didn't even try any of the rides save for the safari ride that Andy made all of us take together as a group. It was too cold for me to even try anything that flings me up into the chilly air. But the safari ride was quite fun, since we got to see animals like the tiger, lioness (the lion wasn't there), bear, giraffe and zebra. The bears were a little lethargic since it's winter and I think they'd much rather hibernate if not for the tempting biscuits the driver was throwing out to them. The bus allowed the animals to be really close to us without endangering anyone's life.

There was also the Zootopia in Everland, making it the first theme park I've seen with a mini-zoo incorporated inside. Mum and I just spent our time there floundering around aimlessly, watching the animals. I even saw guinea pigs and roosters! I wonder how they can bear the cold.

We finally met the rest of the group after the sky darkened. It was beautiful when it was dark - the festive Christmas decorations came alive with their bright lights. I huddled under the heater while they were waiting for the rest of gather at the main gate most of the time actually. So unfortunately, I didn't take any decent photographs of the entire backdrop.

Later that night, we went to a ski rental shop to prepare for our skiing on the next day. All of us had to lug out bags and skiing outfits to our rooms at Phoenix Park Hotel after all the hassle of trying on the outfits and renting the ski goggles. I must say, mum and I were quite lucky to get a room with an awesome view of the ski slops from our window. But our shower wasn't working. By then it was already near midnight and my mum refused to disturb anyone for us to borrow their shower. That was the first time I had to manually splash water on myself using the pathetic bathtub tap. A glass cup was also used. Thank goodness no one dropped it in the bath, otherwise it will be a mess.

I later heard from the others that some rooms had problems too. One could not flush the toilet and they could not use it for the night and another didn't even have water to bathe with!

I know it has been slightly more than a week since I returned from Korea, but it seems strange not to post about it when I've been there. Korea was cold but awesome. The people in my tour group were great too - well not all, but all of us are only human.

3-4 December 2010

Mum and I went to the airport slightly earlier than 11.15pm just in case. We were trying to spot who was going to be in our tour group. I initially expected girls my age who were crazy over kpop to be in the group. When we were there, we could only spot a few Korean families who were waiting to check in their luggages for the same flight and a huge family waiting at one side. My mum guessed correctly that the Singaporean family would be in the tour group. I didn't believe her though - because there were only two boys near my age in the group. More people gathered after a while. Imagine my surprise when I saw more boys my age than the girls.

Our tour leader was a really friendly lady. Carole treated us like family for the whole week in Korea. At the start, my mum mistakenly placed a bottle of lotion and toothpaste in our bags instead of the luggage despite the 100ml limit on fluids on bags that are hand carried. Since we had already checked in our luggage at that point of time, Carole magnanimously let us put the banned items in her luggage instead since she hasn't checked in. She later gave them back to us when we checked into the hotel the following night.

The flight was after midnight and maybe it was because of the medication, but I didn't experience any dizziness or migraine. I must admit that the flight was smooth actually. I didn't suffer much during turbulence. I couldn't sleep much on the other hand unfortunately. At the beginning of the flight, even though it was 2am, everyone was busy playing games or watching movies on the plane. I watched a little of Step Up 3 but got bored somewhere at the part where Natalie was apologising to Luke for lying about her identity. The dancing was excellent but somehow I found the pace of the plot slow and that made it bland after a while. But I found the choreography awesome - I was focusing on the dance moves rather than the plot, so I lost interest after a while.

I tried to sleep next but lo and behold! Someone one or two rows behind was snoring loud enough to hold a concert for it. I didn't sleep a wink while the rest of the plane was in darkness and everyone was snoozing away. Even if my eyes were closed, I was counting down to the end of the flight with my watch. I even tried to listen to my own music on my iPod but amazingly, the snores could penetrate through the cover of my earphones. I know how there are people who can claim that snores can be taken as a lullaby. But I couldn't do it - not when the snores had a bigger resemblance to a series of thunderclaps than a peaceful, innocent lullaby. Breakfast finally came at 7am (Korea time). I fell asleep right after breakfast, while everyone was awake. At least there was no snoring before we landed at Incheon airport one and a half hour later.

We were greeted by Andy, our Korean tour guide, and Anthony (whose name is also An Kijung), who was the unofficial photographer for the tour. Time was given for everyone to change into suitable clothing before we set off from the airport. However, because our flight was delayed, there was no time for us to visit Nami Island (which was the original plan) if we wanted to catch the six o'clock evening flight to Jeju.

Our first stop was a Ginseng Chicken soup shop. Lunch there was great although it was the first time I had such a big chicken in the soup just for one person. It was nearly three times the serving in Singapore! Andy told us about the history of the dish while we were on the bus. We drove past the Presidential Blue House and went into this place filled with portraits of Korea's past presidents. Andy then went on to talk about Korea's history and each President in detail. I didn't quite catch everything because it was in Mandarin but I think I got the general idea of their history.

After that, we went to Shinchon Fashion Streets, where I bought ear studs and a hoodie. My mum and I even ventured into a Neoprint shop and took pictures. I think the girl at the shop had a hard time trying to explain how the machines work over there in Korea. Plus we had to change our notes for coins.

I fell asleep again on our way to Gimpo airport afterwards. I woke up in the middle of the long journey when I heard the thunderous snores again though. The one who snored on the plane was sitting right behind me. I couldn't remember the face since I was so tired but it was one of the children's fathers if I'm not wrong. Carole then asked if anyone wanted to buy some sticky thing to paste behind the ear to relieve the pressure since we were going to take a submarine ride the following day. Those could be bought over the counter at the airport. Thank goodness I followed my mum to the shop, because I spotted the Le Sucre rabbit I wanted at the shop opposite it. I nearly squealed in excitement and insisted to buy it. In fact, we were the last to check in while everyone was rushing in just for me to buy the rabbit. The shopkeeper, a really nice lady, tried to tell me the name of the rabbit but I didn't quite catch it since I was already rushing. At least I got the rabbit - even if it was a little expensive: 35, 000 won. That rabbit accompanied me for the rest of the week in Korea. 

Maybe because it was winter, but the sky starts to darken at five and by six, it's completely dark outside. When we arrived in Jeju, it was really dark outside and the coach drove us to the Yongdaum Rock (Dragon Head Rock), where we got the chance to look at the famous landmark of Jeju in the dark, with all the bright lights.

Dinner was at a traditional Korean restaurant where we had to sit on the floor. Quite a few of the restaurants we went to for the rest of the days required for us to sit on the floor too. It was a seafood feast that day and thank goodness mum brought her medication. I ate a clam raw but it was awful because I forgot that it was cold and nearly frozen because of the temperature outside. They served loads of dishes and I lost count after a while. Right after dinner, we drove on to the Jeju Grand Hotel where we would be staying for two nights. 

We met the tour group at the hotel lobby at seven the next morning. We were then driven to an eatery where they served bread, an egg and abalone porridge. It was the most delicious breakfast I had there actually and I finished everything that was served. The abalone pieces were small but they were caught by the island's women divers. Most of the women divers are more of less old because most youngsters have gone over to the mainland to work instead of keeping the tradition. 

We then went to a tangerine farm, where we could pick the fruits and eat them right on the spot. It was a fresh experience for me. The tangerines were quite sour however. The farmer said that we should keep them for a few days and the taste would be sweet instead. Many people bought the famous 'chocorin' products and tangerines from the farm. The farmer was also really kind and gave us a huge bag of tangerines as a gift to us. 

Midway to the submarine place, we stopped at two places where we only had less than an hour to look around. We went to a Rape Seed Flower Farm, where everyone posed for photos against the yellow background. We also went to Seongsan Sunrise Peak. No one could reach the top sadly, since we were pressed for time (we had to go for the Submarine Tour at noon). The Submarine Tour was cool! We took a boat to a little jetty in the middle of this place that seems to be a lagoon. Then we climbed into a submarine with windows before the submarine went down into the sea. There were coral reefs, and ruins which they dropped into the water for the fishes to make their homes. There was a diver who swam down with us and attracted hordes of fish with food so that we could look at the variety of sea creatures in the water while trying to snap clear photos of them. There were no sharks fortunately. According to Andy, if there were sharks, no fishes would come and we would have to spend the entire tour just watching the sharks swim about. 

We then had lunch at a eatery where they served barbecued pork. The pigs they used were native to Jeju Island and are black. It was delicious! Eating the lettuce with pork wrapped inside and then accompanied with rice - it was heavenly. We sat with a couple and the four of us were wondering if we should follow how they eat in those Korean dramas: Wrap the meat with vegetable and push it into your mouth. But after seeing a  few Koreans doing the exact same thing nearby, we decided to just eat it that way. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. 

Right after lunch we went for the horse-riding. It was a wonder that I didn't puke from my nervousness. The horses were all well-trained however. They could even follow the path without any guidance at all. My mum was right in front of me and she was singing some song to her horse. The horse ended up trotting to the beat she was singing. I was too nervous to even say a word to my horse sadly. Poor horse. I should have given it a pat or something. My horse kept trying to look at me. It kept turning its head. Overall, it was fun and my horse was really clever and good but I pulled a vein while coming down from the horse. I fed carrots to the horses in the stables afterwards but I just couldn't find my horse. Poor horse.

After horse-riding was the trip to the Teddy Bear Museum. I rushed through the exhibits because I knew that I wanted to buy a bear from the gift shop (I was aiming for this once I saw that the museum was included in the itinerary). In the end, I bought a pair of bears over there. Unfortunately, because I zeroed in on the Gift Shop, I didn't visit the third part of the Teddy Bear Museum which was outside the building. It was really cold anyway, so I didn't really bother. Heh. We later went to the Glass Museum. Mum and I smartly decided to leave our coats on the coach. I was freezing at the Glass Museum. Nearly all of the exhibits were outdoors. The two of us rushed through the beautiful glasswares. 

We then got a chance to drive through the Mysterious Road, where things rolled up the slope instead. We could not alight to look at the surroundings sadly - it was already dark and I could barely see out of the window anyway. We also went to watch the famous Nanta Show! It was really entertaining and funny.

날 위해 한국을 기다려!

My mum's mad at me right now. Life is miserable.

I'm still in the midst of packing for my trip. I hope I will be able to sleep on the plane tomorrow. It's going to be a midnight flight. Hopefully, it won't be too hectic when we reach Seoul and then transfer to Nami Island... I wonder if there will be enough time to wash up and wear my contact lens at the airport...

Oh well. The next few days will be a blast! :DD 

After reading my last post, I realise that it sounded a little arrogant. Maybe it really is my fault. Could it be that the awkward me never really left? Do I make others feel uncomfortable? I often worry about that.

There is a reason why I love soft toys so much. They used to be my substitutes for friends. I often spoke to them when I was just a mere kid, and had tea with them nearly every afternoon. Each time any of them had a tear, I would cry and pestered my mum to patch it back for me so that the stuffing won't come out. Sure, they did not respond to my questions and my one-sided conversations, but at least, I had something to talk to while my parents were at work. It has become a habit I guess, having my soft toys around me. I really enjoy having soft toys and it's impossible for me to give away any of them. Well, unless I disliked them - there was a snake and a frog I gave away. I also gave away a clown. I dislike them. Clowns, I mean.

Prom on the 18th was alright, I guess. I wore a really simple white dress with a few accessories. Everyone did so much to their hair, makeup, gowns etc. I was surprised by a few faces which were caked with cosmetics. I didn't really like the food though. The old lady serving our table was utterly horrible too. Seriously horrible. 

She pushed her way to the table to serve the food without feeling apologetic at all - and she is nothing like a pint-sized model, mind you - in fact she was certainly quite well-fed. She trod on my toe, stepped onto my birthday presents, spilt food on the tablecloth, and was certainly rude. Throughout the whole thing, she elbowed me each time she served us a dish. It was infuriating. She is also the first service staff I know, who needed at least twenty minutes just to serve a cup of plain water. Aside from that, she even demanded for me to move my chair over to accommodate her hips so that she could serve faster. Whatever happened to the magic word 'please'?

She somewhat dampened my mood.

Alright, frankly, she absolutely ruined my mood. It didn't help that I have grown fatter and just looked like an elephant next to all my svelte friends.

But I did feel a little sad after prom. I didn't feel it during the Graduation Day because I knew I was going to see all my friends again during O'Level. Prom somehow gave me the sense of finality - that it was finally the ending of my Secondary school life, no matter how much I wished it would not come. 

It's funny when I actually look back. I was previously adamant about not wanting to a girls' school because I'd mistakenly thought that it would be boring since there would only be girls and girls are usually quiet and demure, so school would be just as stagnant. In the end, I chose this school on my own because I'd wanted something different. And what a good choice it turned out to be. 

Although I rather wish not to comment on the fact that it has been pure hell to get up at 5am every morning just to get to school, it has indeed been an awesome four years. I have met so many friends and with the girls, it was so much more easy to be spontaneous and carefree without feeling insecure. Seeing some of my friends from co-ed schools getting embroiled in and troubled by their relationships with boys, I can't help but think, 'at least I needn't go through that since there are no boys here.' 

Aside from the school, sometimes I admit I do go, 'Ah, if only I'd joined that CCA, or joined this, I wouldn't be troubled.' But choir was where I met such great friends too. The Secondary Fours who have accompanied me have been a cool and funny bunch. It was great fun fooling around between practices with them and they always helped me. Juniper and Yi Bin always helped me when we were in the committee too. Although I can't say that our juniors are working well together like we did, I actually really enjoyed working with the both of them. It was easy working with them and I can't actually remember fighting with them. Maybe just one or two arguments which just end up with us talking things out and go back to joking about. I honestly hope choir won't break up , but if it ever comes to that, I really think it will be a little disheartening to the past conductors. 

My classmates, both from C1 and G1, have been really nice to me too. They were always offering their help when they see me struggling. They also bore with the expressionless me in the morning, when I'm far too sleepy to care about the world. In this school, it was the first time I never had to sit alone during recess or lunch periods. Everyone sat together without anyone saying a word. 

It has become to natural so me, so much so that I feel uneasy when I eat alone in the canteen. To think that I used to be so frightened of buying food and eating with others in Primary school. I was such a wimp, huh. I guess Secondary school gave me a second chance to make up for all the friends I'd lost previously due to my silly phobias. I used to make hurtful and sarcastic remarks to others last time to mask my nervousness and fear, but I finally and truly opened up to others now. And it's all thanks to the girls I've met in these four years. 

My mum was angry last night and told me about how I'm always taken for granted by most of my friends. 

I've always thought that all relationships were just about 'give and take'. As long as you bear this in mind, all friendships and relationships will work out. I had a really difficult time making friends when I was younger because of my phobia. It cost me plenty of friendships up till Primary six. I then decided to become a different person altogether once I came to Secondary school. I forced myself to be spontaneous, funny, and loud. It was tough initially, I didn't even recognise who I was anymore. Once I reached home, I would be so exhausted being someone I'm not, that I couldn't even speak to my mum, since I was too tired. 

After some time, I found out that there is really a spontaneous side of me. I didn't need to pretend at all. I just needed to be who I am, and forget about the old me who was so afraid of people. After I was selected to be a Vice-chairperson, I knew that there was no turning back. I enjoyed being a student leader. I wasn't the same girl who refused to be the class monitor back in Primary school. I could laugh freely with everyone. It was a great weight off my shoulders. Maybe it was what they call 'the period of finding your own identity'. 

But yet, my fundamental belief that human relationships are always about 'give and take' still stays with me. It was the part of me that never changed. Yet, it was this that hurt me time and time again. I know that all my friends care for me. Sometimes however, I can't help wondering if some of these friendships are nothing but superficial. There are a few friends who disappoint me time and time again. I never blamed them, neither have I ever gotten angry. I'd always blamed myself. From the time I made my first friend in kindergarten till now, I have been taken for granted for countless times. 

I know my mum worries ceaselessly about me. I remember friends borrowing things from me but never giving it back to me unless it spoilt. I remember friends who smile sweetly to me but laugh at me when they didn't know I was there. I remember friends who told me they hated me in my face. I often wonder, just how much more do I have to 'give', to be able to 'take'. 

Perhaps I started to be such a dumb person since the beginning. I used to be in a clique, where I often tried my best to please my friends. I gave them presents, I shared my things with them, I helped them whenever they needed me. But they never gave me anything, they never noticed me till I offer my help, they called me a fool. I guess I am. 

Or could it be that I do not know how to choose my friends? Am I so blind that I can't figure out who my true friends are? Many people think that I'm popular, since plenty of people know me (I didn't know that but that was what someone told me). I do realise that many care for me. There are indeed friends who help me in times of need. Yet there are some who leave me in a lurch. There are plenty who forget me often. Those are the people who never seem to remember my existence whenever I'm not needed.

Rather, have I ever been needed or wanted as a friend? It's not that these people do not treat me well, they do. But I have never been the 'first choice', I'm always the substitute, the 'back-up', the 'second-best', more specifically put, the one they will only think of when they need one more person to join their team. But what makes a true friend? How much does it take to be able to have a reliable support for me to share my joys and pain with?

Or, could it just be that I'm a greedy person? I know I'm not a selfless person, but I don't know if I'm being to selfish here. 

It's decided: Sungha Jung is my favourite finger-style guitarist, and he is only 14 years old. 

I've been listening to (or more like getting awestruck by) his songs on Youtube. This is just one of the many songs he covered: Twilight by Kotaro Oshio. I don't know what I should feel: envy or admiration? 

His skills are incredible! He takes only three days on average to learn a new piece. That's what I call raw talent. 

Should I get fingerpicks? 

I've been having dreams of people I know from the past recently.

Among them, the one who stood out the most was a person whom I used to like very much; a person who knew me really well.  Or maybe it's just the strong sense of nostalgia that's hitting me so suddenly. Could it be that the flu I'm having is affecting my sleep? 

When I graduated from my previous school, there wasn't much fuss about it. There was no 'Graduation Night' nor a celebration. The last day of school just quietly came and went just like that. Perhaps I could have done much more and forge stronger friendships if not for my painfully shy attitude towards my peers. But even then, friends drift apart no matter what. That I realize just a year ago. It hurts I suppose, when you realize someone whom you used to talk to over the phone about the most trivial and mundane matters at the end of each day has grown distant. It hurts even more when you finally know that your status has changed from someone who matters to that of just a mere acquaintance. Perhaps the least painful way out is to ignore the irrational feeling of somehow being betrayed and just move on in life. In time to come, new friends replace the old and life's good once more. Sometimes though, it's hard. Especially when the person used to be someone special to you. It's just too hard to forget, and too difficult to ignore. 

Sometimes, I can't help but wonder if I'd ever been a truly great friend to those I've drifted apart from. Maybe, just maybe, if I'd been much more persistent, if only I'd not been so passive, could I still have sustained those lost friendships or bonds which have been shriveled up to nothingness?