(via candycanechristmas)

Did you use to write letters to Santa Claus?

Sometimes I find it difficult to express my thoughts and feelings in words. I know it's funny, since I'm studying in a writing course. I should have absolutely no problems coming up with an adequate description or expression of my inner self. But somehow it's difficult for me to do that. I come up with strange analogies instead. I think that's how I got the 'weird' label among my peers too.

Another problem is that I'm not exactly fantastic at showing my emotions. I've lost count of the number of people I've disappointed with my reactions to their surprises. I just freeze up and end up with a bland face, when that's not what I'm feeling at that moment actually. It seems too forced when I try to smile and give a big reaction too. I think I could be having my own fireworks showcase inside of me while the poker face is being shown to the world instead. Could it be that I lack in the emotional quotient department? 

Whenever I get happy, I get scared. Because I know I'll be sad again.
Dragon Squad (2005) 

(via http://www.fond-ecran-image.com)

There's something so magical about a baby's hands that makes them seem so surreal. I can't picture myself having such tiny hands at all. Was I ever that small? 

It feels as if the holidays are already here. Since I don't have MST (Mid-Semester Test), the only projects I'm working on right now are my CA2s which are due in January. I'm quite nervous and apprehensive about the pitching process and the story synopses we have to make. Hope all my stories won't get shot down!

I've also sat for my French exam. To be honest, I didn't study a lot for it. I only revised a few days before and I'm lucky that the exam wasn't too tough. Pascal told Ziwei, Joey and me to write "omelette du fromage" if we got stuck. It means cheese omelette, if I'm not wrong. I'm not sure if I'll do well, but I'll pass. I got 87 for the previous exam, so hopefully, the results for this exam wouldn't pull it down too much!

Friday was also the opening of the Singaporean branch of Lush at Wisma Atria. Ziwei, Stefanie and me went to visit Shahidah who's working there. The entire shop was packed with customers and slabs of soap were stacked everywhere. Each piece of soap is handmade and have unique names like 'Porridge', 'Karma', 'The Godmother', and even 'Dragon Egg'. I love 'Rock Star'. It's a pretty shade of pink and it smells so sweet! I'm returning to the shop once I find the time to buy it! 

Shahidah led us around the shop and told us about the different types of soaps and the stories attached to them. It's amazing how she could remember everything! There are about 200 products to memorise and she has already memorised a good part of nearly all of them! I never really thought about the amount of things a salesgirl has to learn and memorise in her training before this. Well, now I know. 

The next day was spent singing, eating and talking. After lunch at Pastamania, we went to Kbox. Joey, CX, Shaw, Stefanie and I spent the next few hours there singing as many songs as we could. Ziwei came only after three hours - we actually thought he wasn't coming at all. It was really fun singing nonsense and even though a lot of people cancelled on us, I think it was still a great outing. My voice kept trembling when I sang too, since it was freezing the room. It's pretty funny, now that I think about it. 

I later met Cong Han at Vivo for dinner. While waiting for him, I decided to visit Page One. It was my first time in the store and I didn't expect it to be so big! Their literature section has so many classics - I think it might be more than Kinokuniya's! I didn't buy any books though. I need to save money to buy Christmas presents soon. Oh well. 

We had a takeaway dinner at the open space at the top level of Vivo. I didn't even know there was such a place. Maybe it's because I usually keep to the first two levels. Plus, each time I go to the third level, it's to take the monorail to Sentosa. Oh, but it looks pretty at night with all the lights around. We even saw fireworks in the sky, thanks to a performance going on in Sentosa! Coupled with the Christmas carols playing in the background and the lighting, it's as if Christmas is already here! Seems like the cold weather also gives everyone the Christmas-y feeling, doesn't it? Just thinking about it makes me feel like doing some Christmas shopping soon...

The time-gap between my posts is getting longer. Well, it's not like I have readers who check on this site regularly anyway. But here I am, trying to breathe some life into this place. Or type some life, in this case. This is an awfully long post, by the way. 

I think I ought to post about the Writers' Festival before I forget. 

Stella and Ms Gamar managed to get tickets for us for three of the events held during the Singapore Writers' Festival. I chose to go for 'Balancing the Books: Creativity VS the Bottomline', a panel discussion about the compromise between writing and money. Two writers, Michael Chabon and Joe Haldeman, were present and answered many questions which were raised by the moderator and from the floor. I was amused by their frankness and witty remarks. The writers also made clear the difference between writing for money and writing for passion. I'm not sure if I'd ever be a novelist, but one thing's for sure: I do hope that my writing would bring me money in the future. 

I also bought a book 'The Catherine Lim Collection' that features at least four stories written by the Singaporean author. Because I got it from the festival, there was a discount and an autograph from Catherine Lim on one of the pages. This is the first time I'm getting a signed copy for a book! I've read the first story in the book so far ('The Serpent's Tooth') and it's pretty interesting. I never knew that the traditional Chinese way of treating backaches was to make the patient swallow (yes, swallow, not chew!) newborn mice wrapped in salted leaves. I'm not sure of the reason, but the mental image alone is pretty morbid to me! 

We later had lunch at Plaza Singapura when the panel discussion ended. It's seldom that we get to eat as a class. Well, it wasn't really a class actually, since all of us broke up into three groups to eat at McDonald's, Long John Silver's, and Yoshinoya respectively. But I got to eat with Yvette, Hazel, Cong Xu, Chuan Ying, Zhao-yi, Annzy and Zi Wei at Yoshinoya. It's rare to eat with them - except Zi Wei of course. In fact, I just ate dinner with Zi Wei at the Somerset branch of Yoshinoya just a few days before the panel discussion. The time after lunch was spent loitering - DTVM's best at that - or in Internet slang, 'trolling'. It'd be great to go out as a class again. Even if it was a fairly short 'outing' that was somewhat just an extension of going for the panel discussion at SMU on a Sunday. 

Other than the Writers' Festival, there really isn't much to post about. I highly doubt that anyone would be interested in the research papers and concept paper I have to do for my CAs. Oh but I hear that the first CA for my journalism module might be a debate! Sounds a little intimidating yet fun, doesn't it? 

Oh oh oh, and I just got a new dress and a pair of casual shoes over the weekend. It's a beautiful blue dress and I can't wait to wear it! It might be too formal for school but I think I'm going to wear it on my birthday nevertheless. I'm the birthday girl after all! As for the shoes, it's this pretty shade of pink that reminds me of cotton candy! I think Mummy has spent quite a lot on the dress and shoes but she said that they are my birthday gifts! 

To be honest, I usually feel excited for my birthday when I see Christmas decorations being raised in the shopping malls and streets. It's usually an indication that my birthday's coming near since the decorations are usually put up a month and a half before Christmas. Unfortunately, maybe it's because my CAs have taken up so much of my time, I've not gotten the chance to see much of this year's Christmas' decorations. Maybe I ought to make a trip to town soon! 

I've been terribly lazy lately. Well, I have been posting about stuff but I just didn't publish them on my blog because I preferred everything to be in chronological order. And the thing is that, my post about the LEAP camp is an awfully lengthy post on its own. I've not even ended it yet. That's the reason (or excuse, depending on how you see it) for the absence of any new posts or updates on this blog. 

Anyway, I've just decided that I shall post about post-camp events first, at least till I've completed my post about the camp. By then I'd be able to shock you all with one of my longest post ever about a camp. Well, not really the longest, since the one about my trip to South Korea was so long that it covered four posts. I think I'm just a pretty long-winded person. And since this blog kind of doubles up as my personal journal sometimes, albeit with all the bitching and ranting taken out, bear with me, if you can. 

To be honest, I didn't do much after I came back from the camp. I fell ill and spent a good part of the last week of the holidays just being home. I tried to watch more dramas to be able to write my reviews but it wasn't exactly good progress since I couldn't find a few episodes so I couldn't follow the plot properly. Then there were also my stories to tackle. I rewrote a paragraph or so but that's all I did in that week. I should really find time to write a new chapter at least. I'm such a procrastinator, aren't I? 

I also spend a lot of time sleeping. The cough syrup that I took had a drowsy side-effect on me. I vaguely recall dreaming of a few great stories while asleep. But the problem was, I couldn't remember anything when I woke up. Except the fact that it was a really good dream. How do people keep dream diaries? I seldom remember my dreams. Well, I only remember a few particularly vivid parts, or maybe a vague sense of what it was about. 

Anyway, my camp group (we named ourselves 'Shaka Laka Bung Bung', 'Bung Bung' for short) met up on the last Friday of the holidays. It was a little strange initially, seeing everyone out of their camp clothes and talking about things other than the camp activities. We went to town and I got to go to the new H&M outlet there. I must say, the baby clothes are pretty over there! It's as if those little tots you see on the streets have their own haute fashion cult too! 

I didn't get to stay with them to play pool at night, since I had to attend ACER's teambuilding session the morning after. I took the train home with Syafiq and it was nice talking to him - I didn't get to speak much to him during the camp. He told me about his course and if not for him, I wouldn't really know DADP is actually about. I was quite surprised that Syafiq enjoys writing stories too!

The next day was mostly spent in school, where I met the people in ACER for the first time. We played icebreaker games to lighten up the atmosphere. Michelle also told us about the objectives of ACER while the senior told us how to deal with the different types of students they encounter. I wonder if I'll ever be able to be as good as them. I sometimes clam up in front of unfamiliar people (just like how I did in camp). If only I could be myself with friends and strangers alike - just like Matin and Joey who can be so comfortable and affable with everyone. It's funny that I was able to do public speaking before, but when I need to talk to a small group of strangers, I freeze up unconsciously sometimes. 

Anyway, it was altogether a cheerful and fun session with the ACERs and although the seniors offered for us to join them for lunch, I decided to head home. My mum was cooking, after all. I chatted with Syuhaidah on the way back. It's nice getting to meet Syuhaidah again. She was in my group, Masquerade, for CASS FOC. We got to talking about our courses and school in general before our stop eventually came. 

After the weekend came the first week of the second semester, of course. It was exhausting having an 8am-6pm Monday for the first day right after the holidays. I got to learn about the technical stuff, like the camera and we even revised about the different types of shots. Unsurprisingly, I slowly dozed off when we came back to the lab after trying out the big camera outside. It was pretty bad of me since Mr Esman and Ms Gamar were trying to carry on with the lesson despite us being half-dead. We were barely surviving the seven-hour module. 

But otherwise I guess the rest of my modules are pretty much fine. After the first week, I pretty much got used to the timetable and the classes. I mean, I even enjoy VPPP (Video Productions, Principles and Practices; the seven-hour module) now. I still think handling the camera and directing talents could be scary sometimes, but it's really fun editing it and then seeing the fruits of your labour on screen. I'm hoping that I'd be able to do well for my modules though. This semester's modules seem so much tougher with a lot of research involved. There's also the conceptualizing, pitching and script-writing to worry about now. It's not just stories and articles anymore. 

I've succumbed to Tumblr. It's quite interesting and I often reblog stuff that appears on my dashboard every few minutes. To put it simply, it's the ideal site for people who love posting more pictures than huge chunks of text or plain lazy bloggers (like me). I created an account recently. Don't click on the link if you are some anti-Kpop extremist though. Don't say I wasn't kind enough to warn you (I usually can't be bothered).Which reminds me, I still have my empty Wordpress account to take care of. What should I use it for?

That aside, I've been lagging behind in French. With the holidays and whatnot, I've entered the 'lazy bum' mode. I'm sure that when I return to school, French lessons would go back to being a mass of foreign matter to me once more. Why didn't I pick 한굴 in the first place? I find it strange that my cousin Dennis who initially wanted to learn Japanese ended up with French too. Somehow we ended up picking French (and I'm not even sure of the reason). It'd be awesome if I were to be able to master French and Korean someday. I could get a job as a translator! 

Anyway, the past few days have been spent on getting the stuff necessary for my camp next week. I've yet to complete my packing since I had to unearth all the clothes I usually wear for camp. The ones that I won't mind getting torn or dirty. I hope the camp would be fun! The rest of my classmates are in other groups while I'm alone, but I guess that means it'll be easier to make new friends. The camp's in Kota Tinggi (sp?) and I had to get a new passport just for it, since my previous passport was expiring in six months.

Too bad I can't show my cute nine-year-old self as my passport photo. When I used my old passport last year, the airport security took a second glance to check if it's the same person. I must admit it's not surprising some people think that I've undergone some sort of plastic surgery. The difference is quite scary. But I've not gone under the knife and I'm still under-aged for plastic surgery in Singapore. To be honest, I'm not against the idea of people undergoing plastic surgery actually. I think it's alright as long as you come out looking better and you're fine with telling others about it. Plus it takes guts to go through the pain and side-effects from the surgeries. Guts that I lack. 

For the first time, I managed to cook my instant noodles perfectly. I managed to get the amount of water right, the timing right, and the noodles were cooked. It's quite a feat because I'd usually end up with half-cooked noodles. I happily started on my noodles after I managed to cooked it so well, only to realise that I'd forgotten to add the seasoning in. The bowl of noodles was as bland as paper (yes, I've tasted paper many times while eating burgers). This is the second time I forgot. Cooking is troublesome! 

It seems that it's an unlucky day for me, since I burnt myself with the iron afterwards. I was ironing a few tees - those made of cotton are the only clothes my mum allows me to iron - when I burnt my arm. It's going to scar and it's kind of swollen now. It still hurts a little. 

You know what? I doubt I'll ever make a brilliant housewife. Maybe if I could get a rich tycoon for my husband, I'd be a rich taitai. I'd live my life attending high teas with other RTTs and get a butler at home. Haha. I think the pain is tampering with my mind now. 

I went to the zoo on Monday. I felt a little disheartened that a few enclosures were closed and the animals were relocated (or hidden, I bet). I miss Inuka the polar bear. At least a few penguins are still there and I managed to visit those which were shifted to Jurong Bird Park during June with Jo. 

I went to watch Super Junior Super Show 3 - 3D Movie with my mum this afternoon. I didn't attend the actual concert when they came to Singapore in January. Mummy offered to pay for my concert ticket but I chose not to go since I couldn't find anyone to go with me anyway. Not to mention the fact that I spent quite a bit of my savings while in South Korea last year. I miss that place very badly, by the way. I wish to go back sometimes.

Anyway, before I go off tangent, it was great watching the movie. We got good seats too - second row from the back, right smack in the middle. I had to resist squealing each time Sungmin or Kyuhyun appeared on-screen. Seriously. I settled for clenching my hands or clamping them over my mouth. A few girls in the cinema could not resist squealing too - their favourite member was Yesung or Donghae, I think.  

Watching it in 3D makes it much more realistic than on DVD. Although they only showed a few parts of the entire concert, I think it's worth the $60 I paid for the tickets (it's $30 for one ticket). It's great that they even included an epilogue featuring Kangin who is in the army at the moment. I miss the days when it was all 13 of the boys onstage. That seems like a long time ago now. It's amazing how I've been a fan for so long.

Oh, and it's 추석 (Chuseok) now! Here's a song for the holiday! (Sungmin looks so cute in the yellow!)

My visit back to Crescent on Thursday felt strange. I felt kind of jaded. Like I didn't belong. I used to see my seniors coming back and rushing to take pictures with the teachers. There was no such thing for me though. Perhaps it's because I was never close to my teachers to begin with. Don't get me wrong, I think Crescent teachers are truly awesome and passionate about their job. I just never got close to them, like my friends did. It doesn't help that I wasn't much of a 'clique person' back then too. I was always with different people all the time in class. But I got to know great friends nevertheless. I hung out with Yimin and Angela during recess breaks and I have Jo who is my oldest best friend. My friends called me the 'social butterfly' however, since they all have their own respective cliques that I never really belonged in, unfortunately.

My appetite has been strange lately. I get hungry and I still love looking at food, but when the food appears under my nose, I have no appetite to eat it. Even if my tummy's growling. It's as if my mouth feels too lazy to open. I've been getting fatter too. Seems like I'm always having issues with my weight. I must really start exercising for real. 

I'm also going to make use of the free time I have now to revise on my French. I feel so embarrassed after I realised how many stupid mistakes I made for my exam. I actually forgot apples are "pommes" in French. I wrote something entirely different instead. Stupid me. I don't really wish to see my score for this exam. I might fail. Agh.

By the way, since I'm already typing about French, I came across this phrase a few days ago,

The rough translation of the sentence is that we lose what we have when we want to have everything. It's quite true, really. When we get greedy, we often tend to lose sight of what we used to cherish. It's only at the end when we realised what we've lost that we regret. I wish I could be easily contented with what I have though. I mean, I'm generally happy with my life now. But if true happiness means having no regrets, not wanting anything more than what I have now, or having a long wishlist - then maybe I'm not that happy. I'm happy but not extremely or very happy. Alright, I think I'm confusing myself here. I just want to say that it'd be great if I'm not so greedy with my wants (like wanting to buy even more albums when I have so many CDs at home).To sum it up, we should try our best to hold on to what we have instead of grasping at what we do not.

It's like the Greek myth of Atalanta and the three golden apples. Hippomenes wanted to court Atalanta, a strong yet arrogant beauty who had many suitors. Eventually, she got tired of their attention and told her suitors that she'd give her hand in marriage to the man who could outrun her in a foot race, but should they fail, they'd die. Because she was such a swift runner, she was sure that she could beat every man who challenged her. Not surprisingly, many men died at her hands.

Hippomenes decided to seek the help of Aphrodite who handed him three golden apples and instructions for the race. He then managed to outrun Atalanta not by speed, but by the golden apples he left on the ground as he ran with all his might. As per instructions, he deliberately dropped the three golden apples that Aphrodite gave him during the race. Atalanta stopped each of the three times just to pick those apples up, leaving Hippomenes enough time to win. She was too distracted by the golden apples that she had never seen before. They eventually got married since Hippomenes won.

Although the message of the story isn't the same as the French phrase, it still tells of greed aside from overconfidence. There are other Greek myths which also warn of the dangers of greed in a clearer way, but I can only remember this myth for now. Come to think of it, there are plenty of fables out there which speak of the importance of being contented and warn against greed. But being greedy is sort of a human thing. Isn't it?

I have one more CA10 left to go and I'll be free to enjoy my holidays. I'm kind of glad that I don't have to mug for exams like other students out there given the uniqueness of my course. There can't be exams about writing after all.

I'm sorry if I haven't been updating this blog for a while (if anyone actually comes here at all). The bulk of my CAs are done. I just have two more to tackle and hopefully, I'd be able to do well for all my modules. 

It was my turn for Show and Tell last week and I sang 'Somewhere over the Rainbow'. My voice isn't as strong before. Probably due to the lack of practice. I miss singing so, so much. Even more than that, I miss performing on a stage. There's nothing better than being able to perform to an audience, bringing an artform to live and showcasing a masterpiece. I miss that. 

It was a relief that my classmates didn't mind my singing. I'm not exactly a great pop singer. I seem to sing choral pieces more comfortably as compared to pop songs. Unless it's classical pop. Anyway, I'm glad that they were alright with what I sang. 

Moving on, Stella showed two parts of my favourite movie 'Spirited Away' during lesson last week! Too bad it was the English-dubbed version. The Japanese version with all the original seiyu was so much better! I ended up watching the movie the seventh time that night, since I realised I forgot parts of the movie while watching the two short segments in class. That's just how much I love the film.

I also found out how great anime OSTs can be, by the way. I'm using four anime tracks for my VC CA10. I know most are using pop songs but I find instrumentals easier to convey emotions. In fact, I was listening to Joe Hisaishi's compositions on loop while writing my CSM CA10 piece. It keeps me focused and more importantly, inspired. Hopefully, my story would be given a good grade. I wrote about self-esteem. Part of the story is true actually. It's up to those who have read it to guess which parts are true and which parts are not. 

I'm not too sure how I should end off since it's been such a long time since I last blogged. I just saw this quote on Twitter a few minutes ago though, and I thought it kind of relates to my story:

It's true. The most painful thing in life is that sometimes we lose sight of who we are because we value others' opinions way too much. We forget that we're special in our own ways too.

This year's National Day Parade was different from the previous ones. It was made into a five-act musical featuring the relationship between a mother and son whilst showing how the nation has progressed over the decades. There was also an acoustic version of the national anthem accompanied by the fireworks that were synchronized to the beat of the music. Nothing better than to stir up everyone's patriotism with colourful fireworks and awesome music. 

I haven't got much time to update for the past few days. I managed to leave my house keys at home last week. I was locked out for two and a half hours before my mum could rush back to open the door for me. It was a horrible time spent getting grilled by the sun - I'd much rather wait at the bus stop than to sit with my neighbour who is a lunatic. 

Oh, and our class went to Kinderland last Friday, to tell them two of the children stories our classmates wrote. My group's story about the traffic light's Red Man and Green Man was picked and it was interesting watching the reactions of the little kids around us while we told the story. There was also this girl, Natanya/Natania, who was not shy at all. She answered nearly all the questions asked by Ms Stella and hugged me when she heard that there would be a story about bears next week (she's scared of bears). The children were just all so cute!

There was also the series of projects given to us, all due at the end of the month. I'm worried if I'd be able to finish it on time and yet do a good job. I've been questioning my capabilities these days. 

Anyway,

I've been feeling really depressed for the past few days. I think I'm PMS-ing. I feel so drained that I'm too tired to even smile anymore. It's those moments of self-doubt, when you find that you wish to do so much but you're not excelling in anything. My old gastric problem is also back and it's not making things any better.

On a brighter note, I finally got my French results today. I did fairly well and at least it was above my expectations. I managed to get 78/100 for my test. Unfortunately, I doubt I'd do as well for the upcoming test since I skipped two lessons and I've got quite a bit of catching up to do.

By the way, I was having lunch at Burger King with my classmates on Monday and Avelin actually got a box of funnel cakesticks for free. I think the staff at the counter accidentally slotted it in while rushing through our orders. These things taste and smell like play-dough though. Not too appealing to eat after the first bite.

"Can I be considered as a best friend?"
"Do you believe in fate?"
"You didn't answer my question."
"I don't believe in best friends."
"Why?"
"Friends come and go after a while."
"What about best friends then?"
"They'll still leave in the end."
"Will you keep in contact with me in the future?"
"No. Do you believe in fate?"
"I don't know. Maybe?"
"If it's meant to be, we'll meet."
"Do you believe in soulmates then?"
"Everything is the same. They are just labels."

I guess it's a pessimist's way of thinking about friendship. Ironically, my friend believed in destiny. I can't remember the exact words, but the conversation played out as shown above. It's not surprising that we're not in touch anymore. He was right that friends come and go in life. It's tough keeping hold of a friend. I try my best to talk and hold on to most of my friends but people do drift apart sometimes, I guess. Either that or I've been an awful friend to have lost touch with so many people. The one who said all those cynical lines above in particular. But it could be for the better sometimes. There's never a direct answer when it comes to human relations, is there?